第一武士

(一)

我緊隨著宮女走過那兩旁聳立似無止境巨柱的洛陽宮闕長廊. 時正炎夏, 但我在前往禁苑的路上一直無法揮去發自脊上的寒意. 我絕不是貪生怕死之輩. 多年來身經百戰又擔任羽林軍都尉多年的我就經歷過數不盡的惡戰與血腥的處決場面. 但每次奉詔進宮見駕時我都不寒而慄. 如果這世上有任何人能令我產生畏懼的就一定是她: 這自稱為「聖母神皇、聖神皇帝」中土有史以來第一位披上龍袍,登極稱帝的女人. 在她之前, 無論如何權勢灸天, 女人也只能止穿上皇后的鳳袍.

她登位時我只是十七歲. 但有關她的一切卻是人所盡知, 在市井間的人們只要肯定附近沒有朝廷的密探就會交頭接耳: 她出身寒微, 入宮為本朝文武聖皇帝的才人, 侍奉帝主時受皇帝的賞識與寵幸, 亦因她的過人才智受皇帝的猜疑而幾被誅殺, 文武聖皇帝駕崩後武才人被下令在感業寺剃髮出家, 但這絕難不倒這美貌絕倫而雄才大略的女子, 先帝即位第二年, 她就奉詔進宮成了新皇帝的昭儀, 不久更成為大唐的國母. 坊間傳言她不惜殺害親生女兒嫁禍前皇后以取得后位. 之後, 由二聖臨朝到因皇帝頭風之疾而獨掌乾坤. 先帝駕崩時就有不少人懷疑是她下的毒手. 當然, 她斷然否認, 她立兒子李顯為帝, 但不久就把他廢了並幽禁於房州. 最後她登上帝位, 並以鐵腕把一切反對者斬盡殺絕. 為此, 她不惜任由酷吏, 嚴刑之慘無人道足以令聞者斷魂.

奉旨入宮是禍是福難料. 我不斷自我安慰: 我既未犯律, 亦從不參與任何反對她的謀逆, 應該不會遭到不測. 但這許多年來, 不少無辜者都身陷囹圄最後死在獄中. 對聖母神皇, 神聖皇帝來說, 是否謀叛不一定在於是否有真憑實據, 只要稍被懷疑, 就可以禍從天降. 而沒有人是絕不會被懷疑的.

但我亦知道令我心情起伏的並非限於惶恐. 她對反對者無情, 卻是治國有方. 企圖擁護大唐李姓帝裔的宗室在高壓下在惶恐中度日. 她改國號為周, 四夷賓服, 國泰民安. 她疑心重, 卻厚賞對她忠心不二的人, 而且知人善任. 洞察人心, 賞罰分明. 對這帝主, 我只能懷忠敬之心. 當然, 還有是發自內心的恐懼.

我們終於走長廊的盡頭了. 這已是歷朝皇宮中除皇帝與成了閹人的內監外一切男人擅入者死的禁地. 但大唐的國風有所差異. 唐室中血脈有胡人的血, 比較前朝開放. 這也是當年她身為皇帝才人卻得到太子青睞的原因. 不! 我一定要小心以防說漏了嘴. 一不留神就可能招來殺身之禍. 現在已不是什麼大唐而是大周了, 即使王子公主們仍出於李姓而非聖母神皇的武姓.


我們到達了長廊北面盡頭轉入御花園. 這是另一個天地: 綠草如茵, 百花競妍. 我們踏過了用大石精巧築成的拱橋, 橋下錦鯉無拘無束地暢游. 我想也許就只有牠們是不需要擔心君主心情的. 她背向小亭入口而立, 我已看到她了, 身上以金絲線繡上的龍袍象徵著她掌控乾坤的無上權威. 我連忙快步上前行了臣子之禮.




(二)

『臣, 羽林中郎將許彬參見主上, 願我皇萬歲, 萬萬歲.. 』

我垂首注目於地, 但同時感到她轉過身來.

『平身吧. 』她語氣中沒有帶任何不滿. 我如釋重負地站了起來.

『卿家可抬頭. 』

我遵了旨.

她較我上次面聖蒼老了不少 我知道她已是七十有二高齡, 但之前她一向都比她實際年歲看來年輕. 即使現在, 從她的輪廓仍可看出當年她被選於君側時的美貌; 而且是兩位不同的君主.

『卿家在朝中多少年了? 』她問.

『陛下, 七年了.』 我回道. 我甚至可以記得是在那一天. 是她把我在鬼門關撿回來的. 當年, 我被誣參與叛亂而被連同其他人遭酷刑迫供. 我是幸運的, 其他人早已命喪法場.

『啊, 歲月如梭啊! 』女皇今天似是心事重重 她頓了一會, 再問:『 你應聽到過最近朝中議論朕一旦西歸, 皇位繼承之事吧.』

我感到背上一涼 這是隨時可把我投入大牢甚至身首異處的事. 女皇的武姓子弟旱就在覬覦大寶之心, 不斷游說廢李姓而改立. 朝中擁李擁武者正在角力, 危機一觸即發.

我絕不能以緘默逃避.

『臣, 聽過.』 我回了話, 靜待驚雷.

『如此, 你認為朕應聽取哪一方的進言?』

我渾身是汗. 我寧願以孤劍面對十倍甚至百倍之敵, 而勝於被迫發言.

『為什麼不說?』

『陛下, 此非臣應置喙之事.』

她歎了口氣. 『許彬, 朕知道你在想什麼. 你直言不需迴避, 朕恕你無罪.』

『陛下何以會問微臣? 微臣今年只二 十有五, 而且官職低微, 朝中不乏比微臣更有份量的良臣.』

她苦笑了一下. 『那些老奸巨滑? 你真的認為他們會真的說實話? 許彬, 朕問你是因為朕相信你. 你一向勇敢忠心. 看看四周, 你可見有甲兵? 而你以為朕不知道你是舉國最出色的劍士? 你如出手, 朕絕難倖免.』

我連忙跪下. 『臣不敢. 臣永遠忠於陛下.』

『起來吧, 許彬. 如果朕懷疑你有二心, 就不會宣你到此, 你的人頭亦不會仍在頸上 正如朕說: 朕相信你, 朕亦要你直言, 言無不盡. 告訴朕: 朕應立姪兒武三思為儲, 抑是讓李姓的人在朕百年之後登上大寶?』

她的雙眼有如利刃令我無法招架或閃避. 無論如何我都要依心直說了.

『陛下如果希望百姓安享太平, 梁王恐非合適人選.』話己出口, 我生死已付孤汪一擲. 只要她一聲令下, 我就馬上會瑯璫下獄.

她在沉默中望向我良久, 然後輕歎一聲, 道: 『卿所言不差, 朕亦是如是想, 朕只是想從卿口中確實所想的是對的吧了.』

我在這時才敢倒呼一口氣.

『這也是朕宣你進宮原因. 朕命你親自前赴房州把我那被軟禁的兒子一家接回來. 大周就我一代就完了. 將來, 李顯會成天子.』

我嚇得呆若木雞.

『陛下為何選微臣?』 我終於鼓起勇氣問.

『因為有人可能不喜歡這安排中會用盡一切手段使李顯在途上遇事而回不了洛陽. 而我即使無情, 也不想自己的親人, 哪管是姓李抑是姓武的, 再血濺五步.』 她把聲吭提高了, 但內裡只感到她的無可奈何多於憤怒. 『而你是最優秀的劍士, 一個朕可以相信的武將. 不要令朕失望. 去吧!』

我知到這次的面聖已結束. 她已下了旨, 而這次的任務一定要非她完全信任的人執行不可.

我已成了她的首選武士.

(三)

我選了部下八名最精銳的手下同行. 如是高手, 八名就足夠了. 人多,反而會更礙事. 我選的都是高手, 是我訓練多年久經戰陣的而忠心耿耿的. 我亦知道他們不會全部安然回來

護送未來天子回洛陽的一段將是一步一驚心.

我們無風無險的抵達房州, 直趨未來皇帝在過往十多年來被軟禁的破屋子.

李顯一聽到女皇派兵前來就被嚇得渾身發抖. 他滿以為自己死期已至: 不是被處決就是被下旨自我了斷. 我大廢唇舌才說服他女皇沒有加害之心而是要把他恢復太子的地位. 他知道後亦沒有喜出望外. 我心明白對他來說, 重為太子也只是如履薄冰. 在他母親的眼皮下過日子更會使他惶惶不可終日.

我馬上安排護送. 任何延誤將會引來更大的危險. 梁王武三思不會眼巴巴的看著他以為到口的肥肉被一名曾被廢黜的君主攫走的.

這是我第一次見到太子的女兒李裹兒. 她當時仍未滿十四; 那是一張讓人看了一眼就沒法忘懷的臉. 假以時日, 她必定會成為得不可方物的大美人.

太子妃也是個美人. 薄薄的面紗無法遮掩她那艷麗的臉. 但她的眼神卻令人不安: 這是一雙但求目的可以不擇手段的眼. 有妃如此, 太子恐怕也寢食難安.,

我們在黎明出發: 太子夫婦和女兒坐於封閉的不同馬車中由我的部下環衛. 從一開始, 我就感到被人跟蹤著.

最初兩天平安度過.

到了第三天, 當我們要度過一淺溪時, 影子們終於發動了攻擊.

梁王派出的也是高手: 是從腥風血雨中磨煉出來的死士. 他們只道此行只許成功不避失敗. 觸怒武三思可以令他們生不如死.

他們有二十人, 比我們的多出一倍有餘.

攻擊由一陣射向馬車的箭雨展開. 如果我不是早有預備用堅實的木板加強, 太子一家早就會被射成刺蝟. 一擊不中, 殺手就策馬衝了過來.  我拔出了佩劍, 命令兩名部下保護馬車, 然後帶領其他的人衝了上去. 兵刃相交, 木盾被重重的鐵鎚打成碎片, 人頭與殘肢在血幕中灑在河岸. 他們派來的不錯是高手, 可是我的手下更強. 我們損失了兩人, 他們卻被全殲.

突然, 我聽到後方的尖叫聲 我撥轉馬頭, 看見另外四名殺手正衝向馬車.

我沒有因而恐慌: 我留下的兩人都是高手中的高手, 他們絕對可以嚴守直至我們趕回去. 但當乘載李裹兒的那輛馬車車門被打開, 那未來美麗公主因驚恐而徒步奔逃時我大吃一驚. 更糟的是, 其中一名殺手已脫離戰鬥全速奔向企圖逃跑的公主, 那人的長刀高舉隨時都可能斬下那美麗的人頭! 我是如何也趕不及的. 我看見了她那雙充滿驚惶眼睛. 對方的劍斬下, 間不容髮中我把手中劍擲出在對方未及斬下她人頭前直沒入殺手的胸膛. 那人慘叫一聲滾下了馬鞍. 她死裡逃生但危機未過. 另外一人衝上來了. 我已手無寸鐵, 而其他人根本無法來得及把那人截下. 我毫不猶疑的一手攬向她的腰間把她抄上了鞍. 她也沒有掙扎. 追殺的人已很接近了. 我甚至感到他的刀尖已幾乎抵著我的背部. 我們正奔向一泥濘小徑, 而且因要上坡而需減低馬的速度. 這將會讓他更有利. 我知道不可能把他拋離, 於是刻意讓他走近. 就在他要用刀把我身體刺穿的一剎那, 我突然把身體重心拋向一側. 他的刀在一根馬毛的距間下與我身體擦身而過. 我一手抓著他的手腕硬生生的把它折斷. 他慘叫一聲, 我卻不給他有再發聲的機會, 把從他手中墮下的刀接了過來反手一刀插入他的頸部.
戰鬥終於結束. 我們折了四人. 敵人全軍覆沒.

我讓小公主在馬鞍上坐正了然後快步走回她憂心如焚的父母處. 她卻沒有被剛剛生死一髮的危情嚇倒. 她擁有一雙又圓又大靈黠的眸子, 我可以從她雙瞳中看到一團火.

『你救了我.』她說: 『你永遠都會是我的第一武士.』

我對她笑了笑, 沒有把這放在心上. 她那時只是個小女孩.

多年之後, 我才明白她話中的真實含意.



(四)

母子團圓比預期來得溫馨.

女皇陛下如果選擇仁厚的話, 她可以既往不究的. 作為兒子的也發現了母親當年的憤恨已一掃而空. 他向母親表示效忠後就與妻子住進了女皇為他準備的居所. 雖然規模算不得上粉堆玉砌, 總比在房州的簡陋屋子好多了.

梁王當然憤怒可是他束手無策. 他對姑母的恐懼不亞於任何人. 我卻知道因這事而多了一個危險的敵人. 將來某一天他都可能找我算算舊帳.

最令人意想不到的是小公主. 女皇陛下一見到她就喜歡得不得了. 她是如此的美麗聰慧. 於是她就把她留在宮中. 女皇的女兒太平公主和女皇身伴的秘書上官婉兒也很喜歡她. 傳言中上官婉兒可不止於女皇的秘書這樣簡單. 由於女皇的寵信, 上官權勢有如半個宰相. 太平公主和上官婉兒都是大美人, 即使兩人這時已年劇三十, 卻天生質不減當年. 上官婉兒更是文釆飛揚, 機敏過人; 她亦以擁有不少秘密情人而聲名狼藉.

女皇陛下對我賞賜有加; 可是, 日子一久, 我就被淡忘了.

我再見裹兒是四年後的事.


(五)

我早知裹兒會成為美人.

我錯了.

她是美得令人目眩. 人們都說她是本朝自高皇帝開國以來最美的女人..

我是在被再宣入宮時才發現這個的. 這次, 被委派的任務比先前的輕鬆得多. 我是要指導安樂公主 亦即是李裹兒, 策騎之術. 她當然懂騎術, 卻想有高手讓她的馬上功夫精益求精.

『哪你想哪個教你?』寵愛孫女的女皇問.

『許彬, 我的第一武士.』她馬上回答.

她能記起我的名字令我大感惑外. 畢竟事過經年, 她的天地也不可同日而語. 之前, 她是隨時可能被女皇下旨誅殺的囚徒, 今天她卻是萬千寵愛在一身的公主; 不但寵愛, 而且是寵壞了的孩子.

也許孩子不是適當的詞彙  她也近芳齡十八, 亭亭玉立. 當她在皇宮中行走時, 所有人都為之失色  無論是貴冑或武官, 都唯她命是從. 那曾贏弱的身體已綻放, 身上的綾羅把她誘人的曲線勾劃出來令人看得目定口呆. 她也從不因此而嗔怒, 彷彿這是她與生俱來應得的而且無此不歡, 得到時卻又往往棄如蔽履.

早有人向我提出忠告. 可是我仍為她的美麗而迷亂. 就是身不由己的. 她就如自天竺進貢的那一種花卉一樣: 可以救命, 也可以殺人於無形. 裹兒的問題在於: 沒有人能有定力可在泥足深陷前抽身而退.

我已近三十了; 這是未足以見色不惑而又不肯聽從別人忠告的年齡. 當然, 我不敢有非份之想: 我只一介武夫. 但當我第一次看見這盛放的牡丹花時, 我已知劫數難逃. 更要命的是: 她竟採取主動, 起先是略帶羞怯的, 直至我無法自拔, 又或直至我們都無法自拔.  她最初的學課都有近身侍女小雲追隨左右, 但過了不久她就肆無忌憚把小雲差使開好讓我們策馬入林. 我已感到將會發生什麼卻自欺人的說服自已說一切都只是我的空想. 『哪有可能? 』我想. 她是銀河中最閃耀的星辰而我只是一名地位卑微的軍人. 羽林都尉一職在眾多拜伏於她裙下的貴冑間只能是一個笑柄.

『許彬, 替我從小溪掬點水來,』她說.

我當然遵命.

當我回來時 她已全裸的站在那裡.

我們對望著, 耳畔蟬鳴不絕, 把我們的自制力都拋到九宵雲外了. 水, 早已被忘掉,

我知道這不是愛情. 她不懂如何愛人. 對她來說, 這只是一次征服, 一種消遣, 一次多年來藏於心中的遐想的實現, 甚至是用來報卻救命之恩的.

我們都試圖放下這些想法.

我們在歡笑聲中說傻話.

『如果我們有了孩子, 你會叫他什麼名字? 』她有一次問.

『是男的? 抑是女的?』

『就當是女兒吧.』

我想了一會: 『婉紫.』

『婉紫?』 她重複了我提議的名字.

『我曾有小妹妹叫阿紫. 在她七歲時就夭折了. 我仍想念她.』

貞操在大唐或大周都不是什麼大事情. 他們有胡人的血統. 父與子可以分享同一個女人的胴體. 沒有人會以為像裹兒這樣的美女會在大婚之夜仍是一個處子. 當然, 如果我們事發, 我小命難保. 對於她, 大不了竟一被女皇斥罵一場罷了.

我們相擁, 交頸. 然後她把我身上衣物都脫下了之後我們就交纏在一起.

對我來說, 這有極樂..

(六).

我們一次又一次的幽會.  小雲給我們掩飾好讓我們可在林中又或宮中的秘室中翻雲覆雨. 後來, 我才知道我們並不是唯一情人. 女皇除上官婉兒外有她的面首. 即使已如此高齡, 她對男性的渴求仍如此旺盛. 她甚至公開宣召張姓兄弟入宮侍寢. 太平公主和上官婉兒也不例外. 兩人床笫上就不乏武姓的男人. 女皇當然不會被蒙在鼓裡. 但只要不威脅到她的皇位, 她就視如不見. 也許 她認為李武二姓如此親密可有助消除他們之間你死我活的鬥爭.

她是對的.

但她低估了兩姓對張氏兄弟的共同敵意. 張氏兄弟亦不懷好心, 密謀作反. 但這是日後的事了.

裹兒在滿十八週歲時突然和我斷絕了關係. 我心如刀割但這早已預料. 這事也不可能長此以往下去. 她是公主, 有一天一定要在眾多追求者當中出嫁給地位相當的人.

她卻選擇了一個姓武的.

我百思不得其解. 武姓子弟都是熱中權力的庸才. 他們之間絕對沒有一個配得上宮中這美麗的牡丹的.

安樂公主大婚的奢華令所有人咋舌. 雖然她父親仍受制於女皇, 但裹兒的大婚卻得到女皇的寵眷. 李武一家親當然亦是她樂見的.

六個月後, 她產下麟兒.

傳言中是她婚前就與丈夫偷嘗禁果, 又或這孩子根本不是他的血脈.

『誰是孩子的父親?』 這問題一直盤繞我腦中.

之後, 我被派遣往帝國西北遠. 事實上也沒有什麼戰事. 四夷賓服下, 只見進貢的駝隊送珍貴的葡萄到洛陽.  邊塞無戰事, 遠戊的生活卻是枯燥苦悶. 我只有勤於習劍打發時光. 現在, 我已再找不到對手. 但沒有戰事, 更好的劍術也無用武之地. 於是我常策馬邊疆, 看看冰川大漠的宏壯. 飲的是馬奶釀的酒. 不時我也想到裹兒, 只是感到今生已無再見之日.

間中我也耳聞不少自朝中傳來有關她的閒言閒語, 也有些是關於女皇年事已高, 而且百病纏身的事. 我能夢見裹兒的面容, 她的身體, 她如火的熱情, 以及她和我顛龍倒鳳時的放蕩. 我仍記得當年救了她, 她坐在我馬鞍上把我稱為她的『第一武士』. 不過, 這一切都是明日黃花了.
最少, 我當時是如此想.

然後, 京城來的傳令兵帶來女皇駕崩的消息. 在一年前的宮庭政變中, 張氏兄弟人頭落地. 女皇被迫退位, 移駕別宮. 她死後就葬於丈夫的陵墓裡.

李裹兒的父親, 李顯, 又成了皇帝.

局勢萬變. 新的皇后, 亦即是當年我從眼神中察覺異樣的女人企圖成為第二個女皇. 可是她不是武曌, 既無其才具而空有野心. 她對女兒也影響極壞. 沒有祖母的監視, 李裹兒放蕩不羈. 當丈夫因叛亂中被殺, 她就嫁了他的從兄弟又一個姓武的. 她窮奢極侈令國庫為之一空. 其中她的一襲雲裳就是取百鳥的羽毛織成好使從不同方向望去會幻化出不同的艷色. 她父皇沒有她辦法. 她是他心頭肉: 當年就是因為他在苦難中只能以破布裹著初生的女兒才替她起了『裹兒』這名字的.

李顯絕不是重皇帝的材料.

聽到有關我曾心愛的女人如此令人心碎. 而實際上我仍深愛她.

當我接到回調新都長安時, 我是帶著沉重的心情上任的.

我到達長安時已是滿城風雨: 皇后欲效法婆婆君臨天下!  當我編入皇后引以為重的精銳飛騎營時, 營中氣氛已變得詭異.  韋后以為向官兵大灑金錢就可以收買人心. 她大錯特錯了 我看見敕使一轉身, 士兵們就往賞賜的金帛吐口沫. 長安已成了被搗的馬蜂窩.

已沒有人記起我曾是公主的馬術導師了, 我已步入中年, 雖然眾人都對我的劍術造詣欽服, 我與其他人也沒有什麼不同

但終是有人記得的.

在一個悶熱的晚上, 我的營帳中來了一個人: 小雲.

『她叫我把這個帶給她的第一武士.』 她把一錦囊放入我手中.

我把它打開, 裡面黃色的紙張上是一個女子的名字: 婉紫.

『這是什麼意思?』我感到困惑.

小雲把我拉到一旁.

『殿下誕下麟兒時, 本來是一對龍鳳胎. 她收買了御醫, 只把男的交給了丈夫而命我把女兒交到附近的尼姑庵收養.希望有一天可以通知你.』

『什麼? 你是說我有一個女兒?』

她點頭.

『我要見她. 』

『不!不可以. 殿下吩咐: 你必須把女兒帶至安全地方.』

『你說什麼安全地方? 她有危險?』

她的臉變得蒼白. 『我不能說. 這些晚上天空都火紅的. 還有墜星. 一定有事發生.』

『別說傻話. 你可否告訴我那尼姑庵在哪? 』

『我可以帶你去. 但今天晚上不成. 我要回去了. 有機會我會再來.』

她閃出了營帳遁入黑夜之中.


(七)

命運從來都是善變的婊子..

我們連半個月的時間也沒有.

在一個夏日的晚上, 雷鳴的陣鼓被敲響了.

『皇上已駕崩!』

他們說他是被毒殺的, 而最大的嫌疑人就是他的妻子和女兒.

『不可能!』 我大聲道. 『 她可能是寵壞的女兒, 她可能人盡可夫, 她可能熱中權力、 財富, 卻絕不會弒父! 她不可能作出這個! 』

同袍們都為我這舉動驚呆了.

『你是在為那妖女辯護嗎?』 另一名統領說

『我只是說出事實. 你如果認為我是逆謊的, 我們就劍下見真章!』 我狠狠盯著他.

他滿臉通紅, 但他退縮了. 他知道一旦拔劍, 將會有什麼的後果.

事情發展得如迅雷不及掩耳.

新君登位, 是大行皇帝的一個兒子 人們都說太后韋氏只是以此爭取糾集兵力的時間. 氣氛越來越緊張. 四方人馬都蓄勢待發. 京城瀰漫著死亡的氣味.

(八)

熱浪令人幾近窒息.

一場大風雨將至, 整個天空被可怕的閃電照亮. 好像天地正預告將有大事發生.

營中已全軍戒備, 所有官兵都全副武裝待命. 沒有人解釋原因, 因為可能的原因太多了, 誰也說不清. 在沉默中我們等待著.

接著, 它發生了.

快馬把騎者帶進軍營. 他大叫著: 『起來! 拿起武器. 李隆基殿下與太平公主起兵討賊. 皇宮已被圍. 殺叛賊, 斬妖女!』

這馬上引起騷動.

『是什麼意思?』 『是另一次政變嗎?』 『我們應站到哪一方去?』 『你瘋了嗎? 我們要為大義而戰. 那對母女不是毒殺了皇上再把一個傀儡捧上寶座了嗎?』 『誰說得準? 皇上駕崩, 誰得到的好處最大? 那決不是皇后! 她失了靠山只會形勢不利!』 『女人干政已受夠了! 先是聖母神皇, 現在又…』 『你膽敢對聖母神皇不敬! 她治國有方, 天下太平.你看看現在出了什麼亂子?』

爭論無休無止. 即使高級將領也無法取得共識. 誰也知道不能袖手旁觀, 可是如果投靠錯了隊, 就會大禍臨頭 叛逆之罪非同小可. 搞不好大伙兒都會被砍頭. 坐觀一會先看清楚形勢可能是明智的.

但我已等不下去了

她已向我發出了秘密的信件. 如果她不是身陷險境就絕不會這樣做.差不多可以斷定她是看到自己的末路了. 她的母親真的毒殺了皇帝嗎? 她是幫兇? 她是心甘情願的嗎?

我溜出了充滿猛烈爭論的軍營走向馬廐, 我多年的戰友已在那兒等著我了. 於是我把鞍裝上了, 靜靜地策馬離營. 轅門的士兵看到是我也沒有攔阻.

甫出軍營, 我就轉向皇宮的方向. 即使離那兒還有一段距離, 我已可看到火柱把半邊天燻黑了. 而士兵格鬥與死亡前發出的哀號也隱約可聞.  禁軍的取向是關鍵. 如果他們不倒戈而在宮門死守, 李隆基與太平公主的兵就難以持久, 皇后在外圍的援兵一到, 他們就會四散. 但如果禁軍不穩…

我剛要全速奔向火光處, 卻看見一快騎直闖軍營: 是一個女人!

她闖門直入. 最初我以為是裹兒, 但女人的尖叫在夜空中響起: 是韋后!

我勒緊韁繩. 營中一陣歡呼. 有一個手持長矛的人走上了瞭望塔, 矛的頂端是一顆拖著長髮的女頭顱.

『 愚蠢的女人!』我罵道. 她以為逃進飛騎營就可以安全. 她曾以金帛收買人心. 就是不明白一旦逃離皇宮, 就意味著她已失敗. 沒有兵會選擇追隨失敗者的.

『裹兒!』 我突然醒覺她身處險境. 我一定要在他們之前找到她. 她也試圖逃跑嗎? 不! 她不會像母親那樣愚蠢.在留在皇宮也不一定保證她和丈夫是安全的.

我雙腿一夾, 把坐騎弄至飛奔. 當我到達皇宮時, 大門己敞開. 禁軍加入了起事的一方.

我跳下了馬, 拔劍在手, 衝了進去. 在這之前, 守軍是曾抵抗過的. 四週都是戰死者的屍體, 還有太監和宮女的...主要的宮殿都已被濃煙遮蓋, 要覓路已不容易. 這也許是好事. 叛軍要找她也一樣會遭遇困難. 對我來說, 這卻是比較容易的事. 我曾進出洛陽皇宮多次, 這兒格局亦沒有太大差別. 我還記得那兒的一柱一石, 我曾在一處受命於一老婦人去把她的兒子和孫女從遙遠的房州護送到洛陽. 老婦人已逝去, 那兒子也死了. 那孫女在何方?

『你是我的第一武士! 』她曾帶童真說.

那時事情比現在簡單得多. 我戰鬥, 殺人, 把她救出來, 再把他們送往安全地方. 但這就是我給她的安全嗎? 我轉了角落, 遇上了一批手中刀劍都沾了血的人. 他們像喝醉了的般, 放聲狂笑, 並乘機搶掠, 在附近是數名衣衫不整曾被玷辱過的宮女屍體. 我暴喝一聲, 衝了過去  那些人還未弄清是什麼一回事前我已把他們的咽喉割開.

更多的嘈雜聲.

其中一把帶權威的聲音. 『她一定躲起來. 我們要把她找出來殺了她. 她知得太多了.』

我知他是誰: 李隆基! 他是要把安樂公主殺掉. 可是他為什麼說她知得太多了? 知道了什麼?

我想衝上去質問. 但他周圍的人太多了. 我無法全都殺掉.

於是, 我向一側廊衝過去.

有另一組人, 帶頭的是一個女人. 我認出她: 是上官婉兒. 她應是四十開外了卻仍是那麼漂亮. 從聖母神皇的秘書最後成為先帝李顯的昭容並與韋氏成為一黨. 但這時她似是投向太平公主的一方.

這兩個女人都忘了曾一度如何疼惜裹兒了嗎? 我暴喝中發起攻擊. 她的侍衛在我劍下如葦草般倒下. 她很勇敢, 即使無路可逃, 仍神色自若.

『我不想殺你.』我說 『我只要知道一件事, 誰是弒君者?』

『是韋后…』

『不要跟我說謊! 皇帝死了, 她不會有好處! 她仍未及佈署好!』

她的臉蒼白起來.

『你想活, 抑是在此一命嗚呼?』 我帶恐嚇道.

她垂下頭: 『是他. 他一早就計劃好了, 再把罪名加到她們頭上.』

我當然知道她口中的『他』是誰! 也知道『她們』是誰.

『你們這些叛賊!』 我舉起劍.

她望向我, 然後閉目中引頸受戮.

『走吧! 念在以往相知, 我不殺你. 滾!』

她逃去了.

我繼續搜索,我的劍刃上不斷飲了新的血.

然後我踢到了男人的屍體. 我把它弄翻, 是她第二任的丈夫. 他就從附近的宮殿逃出. 我吸了一口氣, 走向那幢寢宮, 把門推開.

她站在那兒, 面向我, 身上是一襲艷紅絲質繡有飛鳳圖案的宮袍

我們像石柱般對站著相視.

一顆淚珠自她美麗的臉上滑下.

『你來了, 我的第一武士. 你終於來了』她說.

我抓著她的手腕. 『沒有時間了. 來! 我帶你走!』

她把手抽了回去, 搖頭. 她拒絕離開.

『你瘋了嗎? 他們會殺你!』

『由他們吧. 我不管了. 他們殺了我的父皇, 現在母后也跑了, 丟下我. 我為什麼要活?』

我不忍告訴她韋后的人頭已插在矛尖上.

『你不應死!』

『我不應死嗎?』 她狂笑. 『我是婊子 我是自願成為婊子的. 他們背後說我, 認為我罪有應得, 是我把大唐弄成這樣子. 沒有人問過我究竟想要的是什麼! 為什麼我會生於這些毒蛇之家? 父子相害, 兄弟相殘, 丈夫與妻子, 表兄妹也…在這裡沒有錯或對 權力是一切. 掌有權力的就決定誰生誰死. 我們是了無生路. 他們, 不, 他, 不得到我這妖女的人頭是不會罷休的. 他就是要做皇帝.』

『跟我走!』我試圖強行拉她.

『不! 你救不了我! 你是知道的! 他們人太多了. 我們一走出去, 他們就可以把我們斬成碎片! 走吧! 不要理我了!』

『那麼, 我們就死在一起吧!』

她再搖頭. 『我不想你死, 第一武士. 你死了, 於我們何益? 還有我們的女兒…』

我感到我的胃抽緊. 我知道她是對的. 即使是最厲害的劍手也無法在千軍萬馬中把一個已失去生存意志的公主救出去.

『我可以為你做什麼?』我低聲問.

『把我們的女兒帶離這被詛咒的地方.』她告訴了我收養了我們女兒那庵堂的名字

我點頭.

『還有, 告訴我: 我仍是美麗的.』

『你是的. 在我心中永遠也是.』

她苦笑了一下, 轉物向妝臺前的銅鏡.

我步行到她後方, 在銅鏡中看到她的倒影: 美麗令人眩目的大唐第一美人.

她以一鑲了玳瑁與其他寶石的梳子把秀髮理順了.

『不要讓我被他們生擒了, 我的武士.』

我聞之心碎.

『我不會的』我向她保證.

她微微一笑, 這次, 少了哀傷, 而添上了安詳.

她再望向鏡子. 我知道 這美麗是如何令人著迷, 包括對臉的主人.

我讓她的眼睛停留在鏡子倒影一剎那, 然後, 那臉就消失了, 她的頭從圓渾的肩部掉到地上, 半閉星眸望向寢室頂部.

我把她的首級撿起, 抹去了血污.這將是給外面那些野獸們美麗的戰利品. 我不介意. 這只是一顆頭顱, 真的她已不在裡面.

我拉開了門. 已有四十多名叛軍在外. 我把人頭高高舉起. 他們歡呼了. 他們以為我是替天行道. 我把她首級拋了出去, 馬上引起你爭我奪.

『為了我們的女兒.』 我靜靜地說. 然後在其他人沒有發覺下離開.


(九)

我找了尼姑庵..

小雲已在那裡, 還有那個一眼就可以認出是我女兒的孩子.

小雲和我都沒說話. 彼此幽傷的眼神已說明一切. 她在為故主黯然.

我們在推推撞撞中離開已陷入瘋狂的長安.

途中, 我們經過了被殺皇后曾出資興建的寺院. 母與女的人頭就插在竹竿上梟首示眾. 我把手蓋著婉紫和小雲的眼把她們帶出城門.

(後記)

我們朝西北邊走. 只離開大唐, 我就可以在漠北的部族間找到容身之所. 這些部族以前和我是敵人, 之後就是生死與共的朋友. 他們是好人, 心地純真, 敢恨亦敢恕, 舊帳可以杯酒釋懷, 友情卻天長地久. 我們再不會回中土了. 有時, 我會想婉紫是否會長得如她母親般美得令人目眩. 但這已不成問題. 她不再是公主, 不是被人你爭我奪的對像, 而只是我的女兒.

小雲和我們一起. 我們都寂寞, 於是就成了一對. 我們都知在我心中我不會像對她故主一樣愛得如此深刻, 但這也不是問題. 她滿足而且我們都愛婉紫.

我們離開長安後不久又有兵變了. 太平公主謀叛. 她失敗了, 於是香消玉殞. 而上官婉兒早就在上次兵變中被李隆基處斬滅口. 李隆基最後登上了帝位, 他勵精圖治, 帶來開元年間的太平盛世; 然後 他愛上了他兒子的女人, 把她冊為貴妃, 最後大唐遭到了浩劫而中衰.

(完)

First Knight

1.

I followed the young-lady-in-waiting down the endless columned corridor of the Imperial Place in Loyang.  It was mid-summer and the middle of the day but I could not help feel the chilling down my spine as I headed towards the secluded garden.  I was never a coward.  Being a weathered soldier and a commander of the imperial guards for so many years, I had witnessed battles and executions of unspeakable gory and cruelty.  Yet this was no help for me whenever I was summoned to her presence.  If there was any person I feared in this world, it was this woman who called herself the Empress Regnant Shengshen, or the Ruling Holy Empress, the first woman in the long history of the Middle Kingdom to put on a robe with dragon motifs embroidered on it.  All women before her, no matter how powerful they were, could only dare settle with the phoenix.

I was only seventeen when she ascended to the throne. But her story was well known to all, whispered in low voices in market places when the secret informers were thought not to be present.  We learned that she was born low and had entered into palace service of the former emperor, the father of her late husband, how the emperor admired her beauty and wit and yet became suspicious of her intelligence and ambitious heart.  She was ordered to be confined to a nunnery when the emperor died, but that failed to stem her rise to power.  The new emperor had her arranged to be returned to the palace and step by step, she advanced to the throne of the empress.  We heard of how she had killed her own baby-daughter in order to put blame of her rival, the then Empress who was then demoted by the unsuspecting emperor and later removed silently.  She gained power during the long-sickness of her husband.  When the emperor found out what kind of woman he had placed next to him, it was too late.  She had him in her power and there was a suspicion that she had poisoned him in order to reign supreme, an accusation she flatly denied.  She made another son “emperor”, but had him disposed and exiled when he proved uncontrollable. His name was Li Zhe and he was now living in the provinces, under practical house-arrest.  She was ruthless to opposition, unmerciful to any threat to her throne, employing magistrates who were so skillful in torture that the very mention of these could kill a faint-hearted man.

One never knew what kind of fate was waiting when summoned.  I kept telling myself that I had nothing to fear; that I had not plotted against her in any way.  But many apparently innocent men had met sad fates.  To the Empress, innocence was defined not by absence of actual deeds of conspiracy, but by mere suspicion.  And no one was above suspicion.  

But I knew it was not just fear that made my heart race.  Despite her cruelty to potential rivals, she was an extremely capable ruler.  She was terror to the nobles who yearned for a return to Tang lineage; she had changed the dynasty name to Zhou when she attained supreme power.  Her reign was also one during which the Middle Kingdom was feared by the enemies on its borders and the common people could look up to just rule and peace.  She was untrusting yet could be generous when loyalty was proven, wise in choosing the right officials to do the appropriate jobs.  She could see through people’s hearts, both the good part and the shadier one and she dealt with both in deserving manner.  The feeling towards her was always mixed: loyalty, admiration and of course, fear.

We were at last near the end of the long corridor now.  This was in the deep part of the palace in which entrance by male, other than the Emperor or eunuchs were forbidden on pains of death during previous dynasties.  But the Tang rulers were different.  Having nomadic blood in their veins, they were much more open in this.  This was one reason why she could attract the eyes of the then crowned prince when she was still a concubine of his father.  No, I must not let the slip of mind lead to the slip of tongue.  Such slips could have fatal consequences. They were not Tang anymore.  The current dynasty was supposed to be Zhou, though the heir was apparent still from the Li family, instead of from the Wu clan, which was the family name of the Empress Regnant Shengshen.  

We reached the north end of the planked walk and made a turn into the garden.  It was another world there: such green and spectacular collection of floral wonders.  We crossed the exquisite stone bridge under which carps swam in leisure.  They were probably the only living things that could breathe freely and not had to worry about the mood of the Empress.  I saw her now, her back turned away from the entrance of the pavilion, hands behind her back, and the fiery dragon on her gold-threaded imperial robe attesting her absolute power over the universe.  I hastened my pace and went down on my knees as was proper for one of her subjects.

2.

“Xu bin, commander of the imperial guards, wish your Imperial Majesty everlasting life!”

My eyes were on the ground but I sensed her turning round.  

“Rise, commander.” It was a voice without any sign of displeasure.  I felt an immediate relief, and rose.

“Look at me, commander.”

I obeyed.  

She had aged considerably since the last time I saw her.  I knew her age: seventy two, but she had always looked younger than her actual years.  Even now, the outline of her face suggested a rare beauty when she was chosen to accompany the emperor, or should we say, the emperors, one after another.

“How long have you served me, commander?” She asked.

“Seven years, Your Majesty.” I answered.  I could even remember the actual date.  She had personally salvaged me from certain death, after I was accused of being one of the guilty officers who had plotted for her overthrown and tortured to unbearable limit to extort a confession.  I was fortunate; the other officers met their ends shortly.

“Ah, how time flies?” The Empress was so moody today.  She paused and then renewed her questioning. “You have heard of the recent debate on whom should I pass the crown when I would be gone one day, haven’t you?”

I felt a chill run down my spine: it was a question that could lead to immediate arrest, the torture chamber or the execution ground. The Wu princes, her own line, had been maneuvering for her favor to succeed her, to the exclusion of the Li princes, her own sons.  The court was divided in opinion, and an open show down could erupt anytime on this issue.  

It was useless if I tried to evade the question.

“Yes, I have.” I spoke and awaited the onslaught.

“So, which opinion would you think is more appropriate for me to take?”

Cold sweat ran down my temple.  I would not fear facing an enemy ten times my own numbers, even a hundred times, then to answer this question.

“Speak, commander.”

“It is not my proper place to give opinion on such issues, Your Majesty.”

She sighed.  “I know what you are thinking, Xu Bin.  Have no fear.  I will not hold it against you one way or another.”

“But why me, Your Majesty?  I have only twenty-five years of life experience and a low ranking commander.  There are so many more who are more qualified than I am.”

She laughed, with a sad tone.  “Those vultures?  Do you really think they will let me know the truth, the right path for me to take?  Xu Bin, I asked you because I knew I could trust you.  You are brave, and loyal.  Look around you.  Do you see any guards?  And do you think I am not aware you are one of the best swordsmen among my subjects?  That you can do great damage to me if you have a mind to do it?”

I sank to my knees. “I will never do such thing, your Majesty.  You always have my total allegiance.”

“Rise, Xu Bin.  If I suspect you have ever nursed such a thought, you would not be here today, or still be alive, for that matter.  As I said to you, you have my trust and I want your honest opinion.  Should my nephew Wu Chengsi be made heir apparent or should I made a decree that the throne would be reverted to the Li lineage after I was gone?”

Her eyes seemed to have drilled into my brain, like swords that I could never parry away.  I had to take a chance, one way or another and I knew she could sense if I had spoken my mind.

“Your Majesty, Prince Wu might not be fitting to govern over the empire, if peace and prosperity was in the mind of Your Majesty for the common people.” The dice was thrown.  At the nod of her head, I could find myself in chains.

She looked straight at me, remained silent for a time that seemed endless, then sighed. “You have spoken truly, commander.  That was why I think too.  I just want you to confirm I am right.”

I breathed.

“That is the exact reason why I have you summoned here.  I want you to go to Fangling and bring back my exiled son and his family.  The Zhou dynasty would end with my passing away.  Li Xian would be emperor again one day.”

I felt almost turned into stone.  

“Why me, Your Majesty?” I finally asked.

“Because someone might not like the idea and would do something to ensure Li Xian would not arrive in one piece and because despite my fame for being merciless, I do not want blood from my own family to be shed again, not from Li, not from Wu! “ She raised her voice but there was more desperation than anger in that. “And because you are an excellent swordsman, a proven commander and one I can trust.  Do not betray my trust, commander.  Now go!”

I knew the meeting was at an end.  She had given me an order, a mission and she would not have to be so selective unless it was one with considerable risk and she needed someone she could trust to carry it out.

I had become her chosen First Knight.

3.

I chose eight of my best men to go along with me. Eight would be enough, if they were good.  More hands, if not up to standard, would only add to confusion and danger.  My chosen men were good. They had been vigorously trained and proven in skill, courage and dedication.  I knew not every one of them could come back alive.

The danger was on the return journey when we had to escort the future emperor back to the imperial capital.

We reach Fangling without incident, and went straight to the rundown compound that was the home of the future emperor for the past decade.

Li Xian was terrified to learn that a troop of armed men was sent by his mother.  He thought it was for his execution or that he would be ordered to commit suicide, just like her brother years ago.  It was with great effort that I was able to convince him that the Empress meant no harm and he was to be re-instated as heir apparent. This was not exactly something he would be overjoyed to hear.  I could understand that.  Heir-apparent or not, he would shiver with fear every night in the den of the tigress-mother.

I arranged the escort as efficiently as possible; any delay would mean increased danger.  Prince Wu would not stand idle and watch his chance of succession being snatched away at the last moment by a once-disgraced prince.

This was the first time I saw Li Guo’er, the daughter of Prince Li Xian.  She was no more than fourteen then.  It was a face one could never forget once set eyes upon.  She had every potential to become a beautiful woman in a few years’ time.

The wife of Li Xian was also a good looking woman.  Though veiled, the thin gauze could hardly hide her attractive face.  But I found her eyes troubling: they were eyes of a woman who could do anything to get what she wanted.  With such a wife, the life of the husband prince would be less than tranquil.

We set off at dawn, the closed carriages transporting the couple and then their daughter flanked by my troop.  I knew from the start we were being shadowed.

The first two days were uneventful.

On the third day, when we were fording a shallow stream, the shadows struck

Prince Wu had chosen his men well too: hardened fighters who were not afraid of anything.  They knew what kind of price they had to pay if they failed.  Disappointing Prince Wu was never an option they would choose.

There were twenty of them, outnumbering us by nearly two to one.

The attack began with showers of arrows that were concentrated on the carriages.  If I had not had the foresight to have these hardened by thick strong wood planks, the prince couple and his daughter would have been turned into porcupines. Failing to make a kill, the enemy, all masked, charged.  I drew my sword, ordered two of my men to throw a protective ring around the carriages and led my men to deliver a counter-charge.  Blades clashed, shields were hammered in by heavy maces, armors gave way to mortal cuts and limbs and heads littered the bank of the ford.  They were good but my chosen men were better.  We lost two men, they were slaughtered.

Then, I heard shouts behind my back.  I brought the horse around and saw four more masked riders charging at the carriages.  
I was not unduly worried as I knew my two left-behind men could hold their own until we could ride back to reinforce them.  But when one of the doors of a carriage, the one carrying the future beauty princess was slid open and out came running a frightened maiden on her feet, my heart almost jumped out of my mouth.  To add horror, one of the attackers broke off the engagement and was galloping at the runaway princess, his sword swinging high to a position to bring it down onto her swan-like neck.  There was no way I could not get within range to block that cut in time.  I could see the horror in her eyes as she turned to face her foe.  The blade was now being brought down and in a flash, her head would fly.  I gave a yell and send my own sword through the air.  It sank into the chest of the attack just in time to stop the blade from doing its work.  The rider was thrown off his saddle.  The girl was safe, for the moment.  But the danger had not passed.  Another rider had broken off the fight and was in full pursuit.  I had no weapon now and it was too late to wait for the others to come to our aid.  Without thinking much, I spurred my mount into full gallop, snatched up the princess by the waist and settled her horizontal on the saddle.  She did not try to struggle.  The purser was very close now.  I could sense the tip of his sword pointing directly at my back, ready to ram in as his mount gathered speed.
We were heading a dirt-road, uphill and this would give him advantage as we had to slow.  To run him out was not an option.  I let him get closer and closer and just as his blade was to run me through, I threw my body weight to one side, hanging on only with a foot on a stirrup.  His blade missed me by less than a faction of a horse hair.  I let it pass, grabbed at his wrist and had it snapped.  He uttered a cry of pain.  I did not give him the chance to curse as I snatched the sword that had fallen out of his hand and buried it into his neck!

The fight was finally over.  We lost four men, half our numbers.  The enemy was annihilated.

I helped the princess sit proper on my saddle and started our trot back to her anxious parents.  She, on the other hand, seemed undisturbed by the close brush with death.  She had large round eyes, with intelligent pupils that danced with an internal fire.

“You saved me.” She said. “You will always be my champion, my First Knight.”

I smiled and did not pay much attention to it.  She was little more than a child then.

It was years later than I finally understood what that act of titling would mean.

4.

The imperial reunion was more cordial than expected.  

The Empress could be forgiving when she chose to; her son only too relieved when he found out that her rage at him years ago had been erased clean.  He paid her his allegiance and retired with his wife to the lodging prepared by his mother.  It was not really a prince palace but definitely an improvement over the rundown house at his place of exile.

Prince Wu was furious but there was little he could do; his fear for his aunt, the Empress, was as intense as anyone else’s.  I knew I made a dangerous enemy though and one day, score would have to be settled.

The surprise was the princess.  The Empress took such a liking of her, her granddaughter being pretty and intelligence, she decided to keep her in the imperial palace and raise her personally.  Her daughter, Princess Taiping and Shangguan Wan’er, the secretary to the Empress and some said the latter’s same-sex lover, also liked Li Guo’er at first sight.  I had met Princess Taiping many times; the same was true with Shangguan Wan’er, both of them women of exceptional beauty despite of their ages.  The princess was in her mid thirties while Shangguan in her late thirties and did not look it. Shangguan was also famous for her beautiful poems, quick wits and promiscuity.

I was awarded handsomely by the Empress and in time, forgotten about the task completed.

It was four years later when I saw Li Guo’er again.

5.

I had predicted that Li Guo’er would become a beautiful woman.

I was wrong.

She had become a dazzling one.  Many would say that she was THE most beautiful woman in the entire empire, counting right from the beginning of the dynasty!

I realized that when I was summoned into the palace again, this time with a more pleasant task: I was to teach the Princess Anle, the official title of the rescued princess now, to ride.  She actually could ride but she had demanded that someone proficient to perfect her skill.

“And who do you want to be your teacher?” The doting Empress had asked.

“Xu Bin, my First Knight.” She was said to have replied.

I was astonished that she could still remember my name.  After all, it was over four years and her world had changed.  From a prisoner who could be executed at the whim of the Empress, she had become a much doted over grand-daughter, and a spoiled child.  Child was perhaps not a very proper term.  She was eighteen, grown body and soul.  When she glided across palace floors, she put all other beauties there in shame.  Young nobles and military commanders secretly feasted on her charms and would do anything at her bidding.  The body, once thin and fragile, had bloomed, the silk that graced her torso accentuating her figure to the lustful eyes of the court.  She did not mind, as if the admiration of men was her plaything she was entitled by birth, something she could not live without, and yet not treasured when obtained, to be flung into the dark corners of her closet, a forgotten trophy that was allowed to rust and decay in sad silence.

Though I had been warned, I was still dazed by her glow.  It could not be helped.  It was like that special flower sent as   tributes from Tianzhu, a country on the other side of the Kunlun Mountains.  Used properly, it could save your life; too much of it, it would be the death of you. The trouble was, with Li Guo’er, no one was able to stop before too much was taken.

I was approaching my thirty now, an age not old enough to refuse temptation of something beautiful and too young to heed the advice of the wise.  Of course I dared not hope for any special treatment, being only an army-man.  But the first time when I lay my eyes on the peony in full bloom, I knew I was lost.  Worse, she led me on, coyly at first until it was too late for me to turn back, too late for us to turn back.  Her first lessons were always accompanied by Xiao yun, her trusted maid-in-waiting and we were discrete.  But soon, she began to abandon caution to the winds, Xiao yun was sent away deliberately into a safe distance as we walked our horses through thick woods offering shelter.  I knew what was coming but I kept lying to myself that it was nothing but my imagination.  “How could it be possible?  She was like the brightest star in the Milky Way while I was just a common soldier, the rank of commander would be a source of joke to the nobles who were relentless to go around her like bees on nectar.

“Go fetch me some water from the stream, Xu Bin.” She told me

I obliged.

When I was back, she was standing there, naked.

We looked at each other, the sound of cicadas drowning around us, eroding our senses and constraints.  The water was forgotten.

I knew it was not love.  She was not capable of it.  To her, it was a conquest, an affair, a past-time, a fulfillment of a crush long time ago, perhaps even a showing of gratitude for once saving her life.  

We tried to push off such unpleasant thinking from our mind.

We laughed and made silly plans.

“If we have a child, how would you name it?” she once asked.

“Will it be a boy or a girl?” I asked back.

“Let us pretend it is a girl.”

I thought it over and said, “Yuen Zhi”

“Yuen Zhi?” she repeated the name I proposed.

“I once had a sister and her name was Zhi.  She died when she was seven.  I still missed her.”

Virginity was never at issue under Tang or Zhou banners. They had nomadic blood in the imperial veins. Father and son could share the body of a woman if they wanted to.  Nobody would expect such a beauty as Guo’er to remain pure till her wedding night.  Of course, we would be in grave trouble if we were caught; at least I would be in mortal risk.  As for her, the worst thing would be a severe scolding.

We embraced, necked.  She had me striped and our limbs entwined together.  

To me, it was heaven.

6.

We met again, and again.  Xia yun provided us the needed cover so that Guo’er and I could enjoy our moments of bliss, in the woods and later, in one of those hundreds of secret chambers inside the imperial palace.  Later on, I learned we were not alone in this amorous game.  The Empress had her favorite lovers, besides Shangguan.  She liked men, even at this age and had taken two brothers, Zhang by family name, into the palace as her bed-pets.  Princess Taiping and Shangguan Wan’er were not stainless either.  Among their loves, men from the Wu clan frequently warmed their beds. It would be a gross underestimation to think the Empress did not know about these.  But somehow she turned a blind eye to it, as long as it was not threatening her base of power.  Perhaps, she thought that intimate relations between the members of the Wu and Li men and women would cement the gap between these rival families.

She was right.

What she did not expect was their common animosity against the Zhang brothers, who were trying to grab power through their common senile lover, the Empress.  But that would come later.

Then, messengers brought news that the Empress had died.  A year before that, a palace coup was staged against the Zhang brothers whose heads were cut off by angry soldiers.  The Empress was forced to abdicate but no one dared lay a finger on her.  She died alone, in a cold palace and was buried into the mausoleum with her passed away husband, the later Emperor.


Li Guo’er’s father, Li Xian, had become emperor, again.

It was a beginning of nothing good.  The new Empress, Li Xian’s wife, the woman in whose eyes I sensed fore-coming trouble, wished to become like her mother-in-law.  But she was not Empress Wu.  She matched the latter’s ambition but not her wisdom.  She was also bad influence to her daughter.  

When I came back several years later, I saw her a few times and we revived our amorous relationship.  But things had changed and there was a gradual coolness from her.  Perhaps our affair was proving too risky, especially for me.

 Then, one day, she broke off completely with me. I was devastated but had thought about such possibility earlier.  After all, this could not go on forever.  She was a princess and one day, she would be given out to wed an appropriate suitor.  

She chose one of the Wu men.

This, I did not understand.  The Wu men were so incompetent and power hungry, that none of them stood a good match for the most coveted peony of the court.  

The wedding was a demonstration of the wealth and strength of the Empire.  Though her father was lived under her grandmother’s shadow, Li family had united in matrimony with one of the Wu.

Six months later, she gave birth to a child.

Rumor had it that she either had mated with her husband prior to the marriage, or that the child was never from his seed.  

“Who was the father?” That question inside my head was never answered.

I was sent on a military expedition again to the north-west of the Empire.  There was little fighting as the nomadic tribes were more willing to give tribute than to create trouble, having learned their lessons the hard way.  Border garrison life was monotonous and lonely.  I spent my time practicing with my martial skills.  I could no longer find anyone a close match with my sword now.  That brought little comfort as there seemed no opportunity to use my skill in real battle.  I rode, and came to know each mile of the ground, savored the majesty views of snow-capped mountains and icy glaciers, hot deserts and strong wine made from mare’s milk.  I thought of Guo’er now and then, was aware that perhaps I would never saw her again this life.

I did hear stories about her, gossips about court life.

Without the late Empress’s supervision and guidance, Li Guo’er leapt from bed to bed, even after her marriage and when her husband was killed in a rebellion by her step-brother, she married her deceased husband’s brother, another Wu, who was still influential at court.  Her style of living brought the empire to near financial collapse.  A special kind of dress was conceived from her idea.  It was made from feathers of a hundred birds and would show different colors when looked upon from different directions.  Her father, the Emperor, was unable to rein her in.  She had been his only treasure during those years in exile and her very name, Guo’er, was named after the wrapping cloth when she was born, a name tender and reminiscent of those early days.

It was heart-breaking to hear such things about a woman whom I had once loved, still loved.

I could remember her face, her body, her passion, her abandon in my dreams.  I could still remember the scene when she was riding in front of me, when I rescued her from certain death and her calling me “her first knight”.  It did not matter anymore now.  Or so it seemed.

Li Xian was never material for a competent emperor.  Almost everyone was expecting a storm to break over the empire any moment.

When I received order to return to Chang An, I went with a sad heart.
I arrived at the capital among unsettling rumors that the Empress was so bent on following her mother-in-law’s track that something horrible was being boiled.  When I joined my unit which one of the elite regiments the Empress had placed great faith in, the mood was eerie.  She thought that by showering gifts and gold on the officers, she would be able to buy their loyalty.  She could not be more wrong.  I saw men spiting on the gold pieces once the back of the Empress’s envoy were turned.  Chang An had become a boiling booth for impeding trouble.

Hardly anyone remembered that I was once the horsemanship teacher of the imperial princess now.  I was into my middle years and though everyone respected my experience and skill with weapons, I was viewed as only one of the many commanders and not someone so different.

But someone remembered.

On a hot night, I had a visitor.  It was Xia Yun.

“She asked me to bring this to her First Knight” She said and placed a silk envelop into my hands.

I open it.  The name of a girl was written on a piece of yellowish paper: Yuen Zhi.

“What is the meaning of this?” I was puzzled.

Xia Yun led me to one side.

“When Her Highness gave birth, it was a pair of twins, a boy and a girl.  She bribed to have the secret kept and only presented the boy to her husband and asked me to bring the baby girl to a nunnery nearby to raise, hoping one day, she will be able to inform you.”

“What?” I grab at her wrist. “Are you telling me that I have a daughter?”

She nodded.  

“I want to see her.”

“No!  You cannot!  She asked me to come to tell you this, so that you can take your daughter away, to somewhere safe…”

“What do you mean by somewhere safe?  Is she in danger?”

Her face went so pale.  “I cannot say.  The sky is so red these nights.  And so many comets.  Something terrible may happen.”

“Stop this foolish talk.  Can you show me where the nunnery is?”

“Yes, I can lead you there.  But not tonight.  I have to be back.  I will come back when it is possible.”

She slipped out of the tent and disappeared into the darkness.

7.

Fate was always a capricious whore.

We did not have a fortnight.

One summer night, there was loud beating of the drums.

“The Emperor is dead!”

It was said he was poisoned, and many said the suspect was his own wife and her daughter was a collaborator.

“Impossible!” I had shouted.  “She might be a spoiled child, she might be promiscuous, she might crave for power, riches, but she would not commit patricide.  She was not capable to do that.”

The men looked at me, perplexed.

“Are you trying to speak for the witch?” a fellow commander demanded.

“I speak only the truth. And if you call me a liar, we can settle it with our blades.” I glared back at him.

His face went red, but then he backed off.  He knew what it would cost him if he dared draw his weapon.

Things rushed.

A new emperor was proclaimed.  He was a son of the late emperor.  People said the Empress Dowager was bidding for time to gather her forces.  The air was tensed with rumors of coups and conspiracies.  A smell of death wafted over the sky of the capital.

8.

The heat was suffocating.

A storm was about to break and the sky was lighted up by the flash of a horrendous lightning.

It was as if the elements knew something would happen this very night.

The garrison had been put on alert; all commanders and soldiers had put their armor on and had their weapons at the ready.  Nobody gave the reason.  There were so many possibilities that no one dared offer any.  In silence, we waited.

Then it came.

A fast rider in uniform rushed into camp, shouting. “Rise! To arms!  Prince Li Longji and Princess Taiping had raised their banners and now attacking the palace. Down the traitors!  Down with the witches!”

It immediately created a commotion.  

“What does it mean?”  “Is there another coup?”  “Whose side should we fight for?”  “Are you nuts? We fight on the side of the just!  The mother and child poisoned the late emperor and put on the throne a puppet one, didn’t they?”  “Who can say?  What good would that do to them to have the emperor removed? And who will benefit most when the late emperor was removed?  Not the Empress for sure!  She would lose her greatest protector!”  “Enough of this messing by women!  First the Empress Shengshen, and now this?” “Don’t you dare tarnish the name of the late Empress Shengshen!  She had been a good ruler.  We all had peace then.  Look at the mess now!”

The argument went on and on.  Even the generals were unable to come to a common ground.  Everybody knew something must be done, but if the course chosen was on the wrong side, it would bring doom to all.  Treason was punishable by whole-scale execution! It was understandable to wait a while more to see which way the wind blew.

But I could wait no longer.

She had sent me a message, a secret.  If she did not feel herself in grave danger, she would not do such a thing suddenly.  It was almost certain that she sensed her predicament in this coming storm.  Did her mother really poison her father?  Was she an accomplice?  Was she a willing one?

I slipped out of the tent where heated debate was being carried out and found my way to the stable.  My old companion seemed expecting me and quietly let itself be saddled.  I quietly rode out of the camp; the sentries at the gate recognized me and did not give me trouble.  

Once out of the camp, I turned my mount to the right, in the direction of the imperial palace.  Even in the distance I could see the flames lighting up a darkened sky.  The sound of men, of fighting, of dying was being carried across the land.  The key would be the loyalty of the imperial guards.  If they held the gates long enough, the forces of Prince Li Longji and Princess Taiping would be scattered by reinforcement from the outside garrisons, seeing that the revolt had failed.  But if the guards collaborated……

I was about to put my horse to a gallop towards the direction of the flame when a rush of hooves dashed out from the dark.  A single rider, a woman.

She went straight for the gate of the camp.  At first I thought it was Quo’er but then a woman’s scream shot through the night air.  It was the Empress!

I reined in my horse and waited.  There was such a cheering in the camp.  Someone mounted the wooden watch-tower, with a pike.  On the tip of it was a severed head with long hair, that of the Empress.

“Foolish woman!” I cursed.  She had thought that by escaping into the camp would ensure her safety.  She had tried to win the loyalty by showering gold.  She never understood that by the very act of escaping, she was signaling defeat and no regiment would stand on the side which had failed.

“Quo’er!”  I woke to the unthinkable horror.  I must reach her before they did.  Did she try to escape too?  No, not she.  She was too clever for that.  But staying inside the palace would not guarantee her safety, or that of her new husband.

I kicked my horse to full speed.  When I reached the palace, the gates had been thrown open.  The guards had thrown in their lots with the rebels.  

I leapt down from my mount, drew my sword and rushed in.  There had been much fighting prior to the giving in by the defenders.  Bodies littered the ground behind the gates: soldiers, eunuchs, maids-in-waiting...  Thick smoke was enveloping the grand buildings now.  One could highly identify which way to go.  In a sense, this was a good thing.  The rebel soldiers would also find it difficult to find their way to her too.  It was easier for me, for I had entered this palace for so many times, each corridor brought back memories.  I passed doors that once led to chambers of bliss, I ran across lawns similar to the one in Loyang where once an old woman in imperial robes bearing dragon motifs asked me to go and bring her son, and granddaughter, to safety.  The old empress was long gone, so was the son.  Where is the grand-daughter now?

“You are my First Knight!” she had said, in her innocent childlike voice.  

Things were so much simpler then.  I fought, I killed, and I saved. And I delivered them to safety.  Or did I?  Is THIS the safety I had fought for her?  I turned another corner, ran into a group of men with bloodied blades, like drunkards wheeling about, laughing, and looting.  Close by were the bodies of several young ladies of the courts, disheveled, disrobed, dishonored.  I gave a shout and charged and before any of the men realized what was happening, cut all their throats.

More shouting!

And a commanding voice.  “She had taken refuge in the palace.  You must find her and kill her! She knows too much!”

I knew who he was: Prince Li Longji.  And he was trying to find Princess Anle and had her slain.  But why did he say she knew too much?  Too much of what?  

I wanted to rush up to him, to make him talk.  But he had too many armed men surrounding him.  I could not fight that many.  

I dashed through a side corridor.  

Another group, a woman in the lead.  I recognized her, Shangguan Wen’er.  She must be in her mid-forties now and yet she was still good looking.  From secretary to the late Empress Shangshen, she had become the concubine of Li Xian and allied herself with his wife.  But now it seemed she had changed sides and joined the camp of Princess Taiping now.
Have these two women forgotten how they had loved Quo’er when she first arrived?  I made a shout and charged.  Her protecting guards were taken back by surprise and fell like wheat under the scythe.  She was brave, even when she found she had nowhere to run, her back against a wall.

“I do not want to kill you.” I said. “I just want to know one thing: who poisoned the Emperor?”

“The Empress Wei…”

“Do not lie to me!  What would she gain with the death of the emperor?  She was not ready!”

Her face paled.  

“Do you want to live, or do you want to die here right here?” I hissed.

She lowered her head.  “It was him.  He planned it and put it over their heads.”

I knew who “he” was and I knew who “their heads” were referred to!

“You bunch of murderers!” I raised my sword.

She looked at me, closed her eyes and bared her neck for the cut.  

“Go! For the sake of the old days, I am not going to kill you.  Go!”

She fled.

I pressed on; the blade of my sword drank more blood.  Where is she!

Then I saw the body of a man, a noble.  I kicked it over.  I knew this face: it was her second husband.  He was fleeing from a nearby chamber.  I took a deep breath, walked towards it and pushed open the gate.

She was standing there, facing me, wearing a red silk gown with the motif of a phoenix.

We stood like pillars of stone, looking into each other’s eyes.

A tear rolled down her beautiful face.  

“You have come, my First Knight.  You have finally come.” She said.

I grab her wrist. “No time for this. Come.  I will take you out of here!”

She pulled back, her head shaking.  She refused to go.

“Are you mad?  They will kill you!”

“Let them!  I do not care anymore.  They killed my father, and now my mother is gone, left me to my fate.  Why should I live?”

I did not have the heart to tell her that her mother’s head was already at the end of a pike.

“You do not deserve to die!”

“Don’t I? “She laughed, hysterically.  “I was their whore.  I had willingly become their whore!  They said things behind my back, called me right, said I brought the empire to ruin.  Nobody ever asked me if I wanted this!  Why was I born into this nest of vipers?  Father and son, brothers against one another, husbands and wives, cousins.  The only rule in this place was never who was in the right and who was in the wrong.  The only thing mattered was who had the power, which had more soldiers!  We are doomed!  They, he, would never rest until he had my head, to show the end of a witch!  He will not stop until he achieves what he wants to do: Emperor!”

“Come with me!” I tried to drag her.

“No! You cannot save me!  You know that!  There are so many out there that once you walk out of here, they will cut you and I into pieces! Go! Save yourself!”

“Then, let us die together.”

She shook her head again.  “I do not want you to die here with me, First Knight.  What good would it do, to you, to me, to our daughter?”

I felt my stomach turned inside me.  I knew she was right.  Even the best swordsman in the empire could not fight his way out with a princess who had lost her will to live.

“What can I do for you?” I said in a low voice.

“Take our daughter away from this land.  It is cursed!” She told me the name of the nunnery where Yuan Zhi was kept.

I nodded.

“And tell me I am beautiful, First Knight”

“You are.  You always will be, inside my heart.”

She managed a sad smile, then turned and walked to her dressing table where a shiny bronze mirror stood.

I walked behind her and saw that reflection in the mirror, a face so dazzling, and the most beautiful in the empire.

She brushed her hair with a comb decorated with turquoise and precious stones.

“Do not let them capture me alive, First Knight.”

My heart ached at her words.

“I will not.” I promised her.

She smiled.  This time, there was less sadness, more serenity.

She looked into the mirror once again.  I knew.  Such beauty was captivating, even to the owner.

I let her eyes stay on that reflection for a blink of an eye and then the face was no more, her head parted with her round shoulders and the torso toppled onto the ground facing the ceiling.

I took up the head and wiped away the blood stain.  It was a beautiful trophy for the beasts outside.  I did not mind. It was just a head, a part of her former self. Her spirit was no longer inside.

I pulled open the door.  There were more than forty rebel soldiers crowding the yard.  I raised the head and they cheered.  They thought I had come in order to see justice done.  I threw the head towards them and as expected, it created an immediate confusion.  

“For our daughter.” I muttered and walked away.


9.

I found the nunnery.

Xia Yun was already there; with a little girl whom I knew instantly was Yuan Zhi.

We did not speak.  The sorrowful looks told all the tales and she wept for her late mistress.

The whole of Chang An was wild in celebration as we three wrestled through the celebrating crowds.

We passed a monastery which the killed Empress had made so many donations in the past years.  The heads of mother and daughter was impaled onto bamboo rods and erected high as display.  I put my hands over the eyes of Yuen Zhi and Xia Yun and walked towards the outer gates.


Epilog.

We traveled in the direction of north west border.  Once leaving the territory of Tang, I could find friends among the nomadic tribes.  These people I had fought and conquered once, and made friends.  They were good people, pure at heart, forgiving of past dues and had good memory of pledged friendship.  We would never return to the Middle Kingdom again.   I sometimes wondered if Yuen Zhi would grow up as beautiful as her mother.  But that should not be a problem.  She was no longer a princess, no longer a fought over prize.  She was just my daughter.  

Xia Yun stayed with me and as lonely man and woman, we became a couple.  Both of us knew I would not love her as I loved her former mistress.  But that should not be a problem too.  She was content with what she had and she loved Yuen Zhi.

Not long after we left Chang An, there was another attempted coup.  This time, Princess Taiping tried to seize power.  She failed and lost her head.  Li Longji finally became emperor.  He brought prosperity and power to the Empire, for many years.  Then he fell in love with a woman, the wife of her son, and made her a sub-queen and she finally led to internal war which devastated the land.

The Empire never recovered.

(End of story)

一口气读完了，真吸引人！

謝謝張大哥.

近況好嗎?