(鳥)


風暴正過去.
她可感到那曾威脅要把她身體撕成碎片的急風疾雨. 是的, 她又在另一次力量考驗中存活下來.
她從沒有追求這種考驗, 可是身不由己.
七年了. 七年, 超過二千個日出日落, 黑夜與嚴寒, 她總是從不間斷飛翔. 沒有任何停下來的方法去讓她稍為棲息. 要降落的話, 她需要兩腿, 而她生來就沒有腿. 她不知道她是怎樣熬過來的. 她連進食時也需要在飛行中進行; 往往在空中打嗑睡時在幾乎撞上岩石前驚醒. 她知道自己是和其他的鳥不一樣的. 她的”同類”的起息都跟隨另一種常規: 清晨時展翅高飛然後找一處可遮風擋雨的落腳點作一個窩, 然後覓食回來與伴侶與雛鳥分享. 在牠們看來, 她是費解的, 是令整個族群感到尶尬的一員.連爪與腿也沒有! 我的天! 她究竟幹了什麼才得到這樣的懲罰? 然後最初的好奇讓位給寂默的躲避. 牠們已不再有心情”杯葛”她了, 如果這在鳥類間可以這樣的話.牠們只裝作她不存在, 暗中卻祈求在這晚上過去後她將會消失; 誰管她的命運如何? 只要生活回到正軌就可. 這世界總有魚兒讓牠們充饑, 有伴侶和牠們交配傳宗接代就萬事大吉. 她這樣破壞這現實與世俗世界的常規真是膽大妄為!
“走開啊! 走開啊!” 那些尖叫聲裡帶著憤怒和威脅性. 她望向那些充滿不耐煩, 狂怒甚至恐懼的紅紅眼睛. 對啊, 是恐懼. 她是誰? 她是什麼? 她為什麼不死了算?
她也想過這: 死亡. 在冰冷的大海中長眠又或是撞向堅硬岩石就一了百了. 剎那的痛楚相比於每天每夜每分秒她要承受的微不足道. 但她拒絕自我毀滅, 拒絕放棄; 最少, 現在仍不…不可以這樣就…
她知道她想要的是什麼. 她也知道她是絕對不會得到的. 試問哪會有一只正常的鳥會找她作伴? 找一只沒有腿的鳥作為朋友根本是不可想像. 這太不”鳥”了!
於是, 她繼續單飛, 繞著她族群的生聚地來來回回. 而當是時候作季候遷徙時, 她就遠遠的緊隨. 其他的鳥從不知道她是如何的愛牠們, 以及多麼可以得到牠們的接受.
“走開啊! 走開啊!” 尖叫聲永不休止.
她也曾遠翔, 離開捕獵的漁區飛向族群中沒有一只鳥曾探索的領域. 她曾跨越群峰, 滑翔過遠海, 略過杉樹的頂端. 她曾勇敢的穿過鞭韃她身體的強風與令她睜不開眼睛的暴雨. 但她每次都會回來. 在某一個其他鳥都不在意的早晨, 牠們就會看到令牠們感到嫌惡的身影.
“走開啊! 走開啊!”
她的心如她的翅膀沈重. 她從沒有放棄對被愛的渴望卻早已明白這是不會有結果的期待. 她只能繼續飛直至那必然會發生的一天. 也許死神是她命中注定唯一的戀人…祂會以溫柔與關切把她迎入祂冰冷的懷抱.

但在一天, 他出現了.

說實的, 他不是一只特別強壯的鳥, 甚至貌不驚人. 他的鳥喙短而微曲, 他的容顏亦非那種可輕易贏得雌鳥青睞的那種. 但當她飛過他時, 她注意到他那雙得特別的眼睛..富同情心, 友善, 甚至帶點哲學意味的眼睛…他望向她時和其他的鳥很不同. 你從來不會尖叫: “走開啊!”


她微喟. 也許是她自作多情吧. 怎可能有一只鳥對她投以同情? 他雖不是特別出眾可總是正常健康和有一雙腿的鳥吧. 他屬於正常的.
然後, 事情發生了. 她聽到身後羽毛沙沙作響的聲音 當她回頭一望, 就見到他振翅凌空.
“他在幹什麼?” 一種無名的恐懼攢入她的心臟: 他是跟蹤我麼? 他想傷害我? 我應怎樣做?
她試圖把他甩掉. 她的飛翔本領遠在他的之上, 要甩掉他是輕而易舉的事. 但這鳥卻是窮跟不捨. 無論他如何落後, 他終是跟了上來.
“喂, 你在幹什麼? 你瞎了眼? 我沒有腿的. 我不正常. 我不適合你!”
他的眼神露出了少許的悲傷, 但是他沒作聲, 也沒有放棄.
“回去!” 她有點發怒了.  他太過份了.
“回去!”
雄鳥只搖搖頭.
“好啊! 你自找苦吃!” 她把她多年來風風雨雨和灼熱驕陽打造得如此堅壯的雙翼一抖就一飛衝天. 她知道沒有她的能耐的他是沒有辦法跟上來的. 但當她朝下望時, 她發覺他仍艱難地飛上稀薄空氣跟著她.
“你這蠢才!” 她倒不想看見他摔墮下去, 於是掉轉頭來飛回他的身旁.
“你是否白癡? 你會沒命的. 你想要怎樣?”
“我想做你的朋友,” 他倒是開門見山.
她盯著他, 不敢相信她自己的耳朵.
“你說什麼?”她感到好像周身的氣力在那一刻都無影無蹤. 不! 這不可能是真的  上帝啊, 不要和我開玩笑. 我現在己習慣了孤獨, 但這我受不了的. 不要讓我夢想成真然後再告訴我這只是一場惡作劇.
“我想做你的朋友.”
“但…我是…沒有腿的.”她的聲音幾乎有點虛怯了. 她曾多渴望這發生, 等待它發生, 現在發生了她卻無法接受事實. 這是夢吧…我一定是飛得累極又打嗑睡了…
但這不是夢. 驕陽當空, 翼下氣流是如此強勁. 她是可以分辨現實和夢境的.
“求求你,” 他是在央求了.
於是在她一生中, 她第一次讓笑容出現在她的臉上.
他們並翅而飛. 啊, 他們飛得棒極了. 他們在完美配合中翻滾, 掉頭, 和在空中翻跟斗. 她以前也不知道她可以這樣的. 她的翅膀是多強壯啊! 天空是如此不同!
於是他們向前飛: 飛過溪流, 飛過湖泊, 飛越峭壁與深灣. 她以前也曾到過這些地方, 但對他來說, 這是一個簇新, 充滿刺激的新世界, 大大有別於他以往所見, 以往所想像的…
這是一個多壯麗的一天!
時光慢慢流逝. 太陽拖著疲憊的步伐從蒼穹之端走下來. 夜, 悄然來臨. 風 變冷了, 承載力亦減弱了. 她當然不受影響. 多年來她就是這樣渡過每一個晚上的而今天她是如此興奮, 身上有用不玩的精力. 但他的動作卻越來越慢, 他的反應也漸漸遲緩起來. 她知道他不是這料子的. 他不可能熬過去.
“回去吧!”
他用身軀的搖擺作拒絕.
“不, 我想和你一起.”
“不可能! 你會死的!”
他卻是如此固執與堅持.
“不! 你一定要回去!”
她緊咬她的喙. 她知道除非她消失在他的視線以外, 她是不能擺脫他的.
於是,她用強大的上衝力直竄高空的雲端. 她肯定他一旦無法跟得上就只能自行回去.
她錯了.
她聽見一聲尖叫與悲鳴馬上就知道她犯了最大的錯誤. 她掉頭疾飛而下,看見她的朋友失控中急遽墮向黑夜的波濤.
“不!!!!”她狂叫中衝向他載浮載沈的身體旁. 他仍有氣息, 可是他們都知道他已活不久了: 折了翼的鳥是無法活下去的.
“為什麼?”她哽咽問.
“因為我愛上了你 ..我已愛上你很久了…一直到今天我才有勇氣…我很開心…”
然後他閉上了眼, 讓頭部沒入水中.
她感到眼眶中濕潤; 是淚水, 她一生中第一滴淚.
然後, 她決定了. 她的翅膀慢下來, 直至完全停頓; 她的身體下墮, 在她朋友身旁掉入水中. 她知道她將永遠再不會展翅了. 她已體驗了最完美的一次飛行; 這已足夠…

她張開了眼睛, 發現身處一極奇特的空間…這麼多的鳥, 都是純白色的, 在自由飛翔…多麼平和, 多快樂…而所有鳥都是沒有腿的..而他就在那兒等候著她, 臉上掛著微笑…
她也在飛了…但一點也不會疲累, 也不會再有孤寂的心.
“為什麼牠們都沒有腿呢?”她問.
上帝的聲音在她心中響起: 因為只有沒有腿的鳥才可以到這裡來.
她不明白
上帝笑了. “只有在你丟了你的腿, 你才會真正的飛…鳥, 原初都是沒有腿的, 牠們是因為害怕才發明腿來遮掩他們心中的恐懼.”
她笑得如此燦爛, 並且知道她終於回到家了.

(完)

原英文版本:


The Bird

The storm was passing.
She could feel the gusts of winds and the lashes of the rain, which had threatened to tear her body into tiny pieces beginning to subside.  Yes, she had survived yet another trial of strength, test of will.
She never wanted such trail but the choice was never hers to make.
Seven years now.  Seven years, more than two thousand sunrises and sunsets, the darkness and the cold, she had been on her wings; non-stop.  There was no way to stop and rest.  To land, she would require two legs.  And she was born without any.  She could not know how she had survived all these days and nights.  She had fed in flight, dozed off in mid-air and only woke up seconds before fatal clash onto solid rock.  She knew she was different.  All her kind followed different routine: soaring into the morning cool with the first light of dawn, searched for prey and found safety and shelter at some chosen spots called home, sharing the spoils with their mates or offspring. To them, she was incomprehensible, a kind of awkward embarrassment to the whole clan.  How could she be like that?  Without feet and claws, my God!  What had she done to receive such punishment?  Then the initial inquisitiveness gave way to silent withdrawals.  They no longer bother to ostracize, if such was possible for a bird.  They simply pretended she did not exist and silently wished that after another night, she would just disappear, whatever her fate might be and normal life would carry on as usual.  There would be always fishes to placate their hunger and mates to neck and another generation to nourish.  How dare she insult their practical mundane universe?  
“Go away!  Go away!” the shrills were made with rage and threatening.  She looked into those reddish eyes filled with impatience, rage and even fear.  Yes, fear.  For who was she?  What was she?  Why did she just not die?
She had wanted it too.  Death.  A long awaited sleep in the icy blue or a short dash on the hard rocks.  The pain was nothing as compared to that agony she had to suffer every day, every night, every single minute of her existence.  But she had refused to die, refused to give up…no, not yet, not like this…
She knew what she wanted.  She also knew she was not going to get it.  Which respectable bird would accept her as a mate, even a friend?  The idea of being a friend to a bird without legs is simply unthinkable.  It was so unbird.  
So, alone, she flew on, round and round the breeding ground of her clan.  And when the time came for them to migrate, she tailed the clan from a distance.  Little did the other birds knew how much she loved them, how much she would love to be accepted as one of them.  
“Go away! Go away!” the shrills seemed never to end.  
She had flown out, away from the fishing ground and into areas unknown to any of the flock.  She had soared over the tip of mountains, glided over distant seas and skimmed treetops.  She had braved scourging winds and blinding rains.  But always she came back.  And on some unexpected dawn, the flock would look up in disgust to see her hovering above…
“Go away! Go away!”
Her heart was as heavy as her wings.  She never gave up the longing for love but had long realized it was a futile wait.  She would continue to fly till one day the inevitable would come.  May be Death was her only destined love…gentle and caring in his reach for her, cradling her in his strong cold bosom…


Then he appeared.
To be frank, he was not a strong bird, not even above average in appearance.  His beak was short and a little bent and his face not one of those that would capture the admiring gaze of young females.  But as she flew pass him, she noticed his special pair of eyes…such sympathetic and friendly eyes, even philosophical, looking up at her in a way no other bird had done. There was no sound of “Go away!”  
She sighed.  She must be mistaken.  How could a bird be sympathetic to her?  He was not the pick of the flock but he was healthy and with two solid feet.  He was normal.
Then it happened.  She heard the rustle of feathers behind her and when she gazed back, she was just in time to see him take off.  
“What is he doing?” a sudden fear invaded her tiny heart.  Was he following me?  Did he mean harm?  What should I do?
She tried to evade him.    She was by far a better flyer and she could out-fly him at ease.  But this bird was persistent!  No matter how much behind he was, he always closed up in time.  
“Hey, what are you doing?  Can’t you see with your eyes?  I am without legs.  I am different.  I am not for you.”
His eyes became a bit sad but he did not utter any sound and he did not give up.
“Go back!” she was a bit angry now.  This had gone too far.
“Go back!”
The male bird shook his head.
“Alright, you asked for it!” with a flutter, she spread her wings, those wings long hardened by the years of continuous flight, by those terrible battles with whipping winds and scorching sun.  And she went up and up.  She knew he could not fly this high…no, not without her skills.  But when she looked back down, she saw him still following her, struggling now as he climbed into thinner and thinner air.  Yet, he moved upward.
“You fool!” she did not really want to see him crash.  So, she made a turn and came beside him.
“Are you nuts?  You can be killed.  What do you want?”
“To be your friend.” The answer was simple enough.
She stared, not believing her own ears.
“What did you say?” she felt as if all her strength had suddenly left her.  No, please, this could not be true.  God, do not play this with me.  I have learned to master the loneliness now but I could never survive this.  Do not make my dream come true and then tell me this is nothing but a hoax.
“I want to be your friend.”
“But…but…I do not have…legs…” her voice now carried almost a timid tone.  She had wanted this moment, waited for this moment and now it was here and she could not accept it.  It must have been a dream…I must have dozed off again in flight…
But it was not dream.  The sun was hot and the currents under her wings strong.  She could tell what reality was.
“Please…” He was pleading.
And for the first time in her life, she realized a smile could shine on her face.
And in a pair they flew.  Oh, they flew.  They rolled, turned and somersaulted in perfect harmony.  She never knew she could do this.  How powerful were her wings!  How different the skies!
And onward they flew, over brooks and lakes and cliffs and coves…she had been to some of these places before; to him, it was all new, exciting and so different from what he was used to see, used to believe…
It was a glorious day!
And slowly the hour passed.  The sun began its tiring step down the sky dome and night silently crept in.  The wind was colder now…and less supportive.  She was not affected.  This was what she was subjected to every night in the past and today she was so happy, still so full of energy.  But his movement became slower now, his reflex a tiny bit slower than the moment before and then another tiny bit slower.  She knew he was not used to this.  He could not survive this.
“Go back, please!”
His body shook.  
“No, I want to stay with you.”
“But this is not possible…you will die…”
He was stubborn and insistent.  
“No! You must go back!”
Again he shook his head.
She bit her beak and she knew she could not make him go, unless he could no longer see her.
So, with a powerful surge, she darted into the upper clouds.  She was certain he would follow but if she climbed higher and higher, he would not be able to keep up and would have to return.
She was wrong.
She had a shrill, a cry and she knew she had made her biggest mistake.  She wheeled and dashed down and saw her friend lost all control and fell straight into the Night Sea!
“No!!!!!” she screamed and darted to where his broken body was floating with the waves.
He was still alive but both of them knew he had not long to live.  No bird could live like this with both his wings shattered.
“Why?” she was choking in her voice.
“Because I love you…I have loved you for so long …and only today I gathered enough courage…..I was so glad…”
And he closed his eyes and allowed his head to dip under water.  
She felt the moist in her eyes.  Tears.  The first in her life.
Then, she made up her mind.  Her wings slowed and then gradually, stopped and her body fell and hit the water beside her only friend.  Her neck rested on his.  Coldness began to invade her nerves.  She knew she would never spread her wings again.  She had tasted the most perfect flight and it was enough…


She opened her eyes and found herself in a most dazzling place…there were so many birds, pure white, flying around…such peace, such happiness…and all of them without legs.  And he was there, beaming, waiting for her…
And she was flying too…but no more fatigue, no more lonely heart.
“Why do they all not have legs?” she asked.
And God‘s voice ringed in her heart: “Because only birds without wings can come here.”
She could not understand.
God smiled. “Only when you lost your feet would you be willing to really take off…all birds are born without feet, they are just too frightened and invented feet to cover their fear.”
And she smiled and understood and knew she had finally returned home….

(End)

                             什么鸟都有

                                  ——读小土豆小说《鸟》的跟帖


  我知道，林子大，什么鸟都有。读见小土豆这篇小说《鸟》，出于好奇，就进来看看。看看这“鸟”是好鸟呢，还是坏鸟？是美鸟呢，还是丑鸟？

  读过，哈！好《鸟》，美“鸟”。

  作者说了：这《鸟》不是真的說“鳥”，subtext 是說別的東西（包括歧視），而那“鳥”其實是唯一不是殘疾的“鸟”。她是一只不屈不挠、热爱生活，追求美好，向往着真爱、而且得到了真爱的好“鸟”。于诗人这神奇的笔下，她还披着一身如花似锦的夺目的羽毛呢！没有多余的字，精致的笔墨写来了一篇精彩的篇章。

  这鸟，她有一副坚韧的羽翼，她有一颗坚强的红心；她敢于面对现实，她敢于向困难搏斗；她敢于寻求真爱，她敢于向美好追求！她不是绕梁吱喳的小燕雀，她是敢于飞上九天揽月的鸿鹄。读着读着，我怎么啦又把那高尔基的“海燕”想起来了——这是勇敢的海燕，在怒吼的大海上，在闪电中间，高傲地飞翔；这是胜利的预言家在叫喊： ——让暴风雨来得更猛烈些吧！

  熬尽了鸟间的冷暖，受尽了非人的折磨，可惜了，这只天生残疾的无脚小鸟，无法接受、也不相信“他”那真诚温馨的追求。悲剧的结局是出现了——她“看見她的朋友失控中急遽墮向黑夜的波濤”。虽然说“他就在那兒等候著她, 臉上掛著微笑…”，虽然说“她笑得如此燦爛, 並且知道她終於回到家了”。

  这小说以这种带着成功和微笑，并且又有点遗憾的悲惨结局作结，一改中国传统文学的那种“穷书生，中状元，大团圆”结局，是好。这失望，或者也会更加地激发人们去相信真爱，去追求真爱，去珍惜真爱，使作品于这残山剩水的局面里响起了绕梁三日的余韵，但“他”和“他”的遭遇，着实也是可惜了点了。

  就说到这里吧——这“鸟”是好鸟，美鸟；小土豆的这篇小说《鸟》是好作品，美作品，很值一读，读过有益，再读再有益。谢谢。

                                                            文刀
                                                       2014年12月17日

妹的佳作《鸟》如凤凰涅磐，令我动心。
“你是否白癡? 他會沒命的. 你想要怎樣?”这段话是不是少引号？


寒章姐姐

應是: “你是否白癡? 你會沒命的. 你想要怎樣?”

謝謝文刀，寒章姐姐，自由先生。

寒章姐姐，，那，確是要引號，稍後補加上，謝謝。

文刀，謝謝。可是這篇名為鳥的，不是真的說「鳥」，subtext 是說別的東西（包括歧視），而那鳥其實是唯一不是殘疾的。

小土豆真的学富五车，古今中外无所不能用其精彩之笔墨。向您问好。

謝謝文東

小土豆，
这[小说][原创]〈鳥〉要给打上“精品”了。谢谢。

                                                文刀
                                            2014年12月23日

謝謝

小土豆不必客气！
《木兰》《水发》和《鸟》三篇，数《鸟》最好。

                                          文刀
                                      2014年12月24日

(鳥)是在一個深夜中寫成的. 應該說我的繆詩才是真正的作者, 小土豆只是執筆人而已.