A Dangerous Journey After many years I learned that Yu-ou's success in fleeing t-o Hong Kong was the result of risking her life to travel an extremely dangerous road. She was a "released counterrevolutionary": In the 1950s, the authority ba-nned all religions nationwide and religious people were subjected to cruel persecution. Yu-ou also was arbitrarily charged and put in prison for five years. After being released in early 1963 she was still deprived of “political rights” for four years and under surveillance and control. She was forced to do labor w-ithout payment at least three days a month, such as sweeping streets or public places, repairing roads, cleaning ditches, painting slogans and posters on the public walls, etc. Holidays and the Guangzhou Export Fair twice a year were the-ir busiest time, always working from daybreak until late at night. Sometimes sh-e would think: If the foreign guests found Guangzhou so clean but learned it was only by forced labor, what would the guests think? On the Spring Festival's Ev-e of 1965, when each family was having a reunion dinner around the table, Yu-ou and the other persons under surveillance and control were ordered to clear ditc-hes. With her pregnant belly, she had to laboriously dig the mud. She thought o-f the unborn little life: "You have not come to the world yet, why should your fate be so bitter?" She could not help but shed tears. Dirty and tiresome labor could be endured, but what was more terrifying was the action control and "thou-ght reform": Four hours distant from her home she must report regularly to the police substation; at least one evening per week she had to go to the police substation for political studying and individual reporting, or to be assigned specific task. Participants were those under surveillance like her or so-called "tai-nted" men in history. Political studying was generally to read "Mao’s highest directive" and the stereotyped newspaper editorials. Then everybody was required to speak a few words to self-criticize and mutually criticize, but it was most-ly a mere formality. Individual reporting was completely different, she must ex-plain in detail to the police about her behaviors and thoughts during that peri-od, what she had done, what she had thought, how she recognized her past "crime-s,” where she had gone, whom and what she had talked with and about, etc. What followed often was a severe reprimand. Yu-ou was much afraid of the police aski-ng what her mother-in-law (my mother) had said. (Her father-in-law worked outside of Guangzhou and came home only on weekends) The police said, "Chen XX (mothe-rinlaw’s name) is superstitious to the extent of intoxication. She helped priests released from labor-reform with money privately. Why do you always say that she hasn't said anything? You can ask her about the priest’s situation, you ca-n talk to her about Cultural Revolution. Ah? Then she will answer somethin-g."...... Therefore, Yu-ou returned to her mother-in-law’s home as seldom as po-ssible. But her mother-in-law was concerned about little Meng so she must take little Meng back for her to have a look. What made Yu-ou most frightened was that the police wanted her to visit certain people - mostly those under secret surveillance by police, and to visit one at a time. "You can talk to him with any
reactionary remarks, only report to us what you have said. Try to learn what he will reply, or what he wants you to do. You should do your best for meritorious service to atone for your crime. If your service is good, we can consider reducing your surveillance period. It is also good for your husband and child.” When Yu-ou heard the police wanting her to do such things, she could not help but ga-sp to herself: Wasn't this forcing her to become a stool pigeon? How could she do such a shameless deed by deceiving and entrapping relatives and friends with the appearance of "one of ourselves" or as "a victim"? Yu-ou felt extremely indignant. She tried to be perfunctory and prevaricated, but that resulted in severe reprimand and warning. She plunged into deep mental conflict and depression.
What was most suspicious was the contact with Liu Fei last month. Liu was her prison inmate who had been arrested for smuggling watches with partners in Hong Ko-ng. Although they were in the same labor camp, Liu Fei had little contact with Yu-ou and the "religious counterrevolutionaries". After release they had only occasional contact. But now the police ordered her to visit Liu Fei. As soon as Yu-ou arrived at Liu Fei’s home, Liu started to talk about the Cultural Revoluti
 on describing how professors of Zhongshan (Sun Yat Sen) University were paraded in a group through the streets; a female professor’s hair was shaved half off and half on and her face tarred; Medical director Chen of XX Hospital was beate-n and ribs broken, he committed suicide by cutting his blood vessels. She continued that the Cultural Revolution might soon be extended to the urban areas, and just like countryside in those years labeling class status, fighting the landlo-rds and rich peasants. We as of the “five categories” certainly could not escape. Hearing all this, Yu-ou knew these were not words to report to the police. She stood up to go, but Liu Fei stopped her and said, "I have bought fried oil cakes and soy milk, let’s have it together." Liu glanced outside and, seeing n-obody, whispered to Yu-ou: "It seems the situation is getting worse. It is bett-er to do a gamble than waiting to die". She paused, and then asked Yu-ou, "Do y-ou want to flee to Hong Kong with me? I have a way." Yu-ou also felt the growin-g threat and horror, and had heard people talk about fleeing to Hong Kong. But she knew her own situation made that entirely impossible. So she politely rejec-ted Liu Fei’s recommendation. Back home, she was deeply troubled and didn’t know how to report to the police about this meeting. Finally she decided to repor-t only what Liu Fei had said about the Cultural Revolution, try to downplay it, and conceal Liu’s suggestion of fleeing to Hong Kong. Unexpectedly, her report was scorned as "seriously dishonest.” Then at the next session of political studying, the police directed Yu-ou to stand on the podiu--m, reprimanded her and ordered her to report once a week instead of once a mont-h. She almost cried out on the spot. Back home, she recalled over and over: Wha-t was “seriously dishonest?” The problem could only be that of Liu Fei! Who w-as Liu Fei? Was she also a stool pigeon who needed to "perform a meritorious se-rvice to atone for one’s crimes?” Yu-ou suddenly realized: As I was forced to spy on others, I myself also was the spied object! She shivered though not cold and felt extremely indignant. Liu Fei’s long face with small eyes and the policeman’s ferocious look alternately appeared in Yuou’s mind, impacting her nervous system. The Cultural Revolution expanded from schools and organizations to residential communities, the atmosphere becoming increasingly tense. Those who we-re under surveillance and persons with a tainted history went to the police sub-station to report or be reprimanded more frequently. Under police monitoring, they had to criticize and denounce each other. Several times they w-ere sent to the residential assembly to accept reprimand and even be beaten and kicked. After many years, Yu-ou recalling the nightmare events, said that if not for little Meng, she would have been tempted to selfdestruction. One day Yu-ou passed by an alley where she suddenly saw Uncle Ho of her learning group in the police substation standing on a small table, around his neck hung a board of mo-re than a square foot and on it written "Historical Counterrevolutionary Ho XX" ( He had been a little chief of a cultural office in the KMT era), his left han-d held a broken washbasin, right hand a small wooden stick. Ho knocked the wash-basin once, "clang!", then murmured that he was guilty and willing to accept surveillance of the revolutionary masses. Yu-ou was terrified and hurried back home with heart pounding, and with foreboding that the same disaster would befall her. Sure enough, the very next day, the Residents’ Committee member Aunt Ming came to knock at the door. Aunt Ming was a good friend of Yu-ou's mother before going to Hong Kong. Because her husband was a worker, she was elected a member of the Residents’ Committee. She stared at Yu-ou for a while and then said slowly, "Yu-ou, I watched you growing up since childhood. I have no choice but to tell you the police substation has instructed that you to take a wooden board, about this size (Aunt Ming gave a gesture), and write 'Released Counterrevolutionary Prisoner' and your name on it, then wear it with a string. Starting tomorrow, when you go out, you hang it on the neck; but do not hang it when you are at ho-me. Go out as little as possible. When you need to buy groceries or baby thing--s, ask the neighbors to do you a favor. This is police instruction, so I have n-o alternative." Yu-ou loudly burst into tears, and even sleeping little Meng wa-s awakened. Aunt Ming slowly retreated and gently closed the door. Hanging such a board on the neck to go to the street meant that the Red Guards, hooligans, anyone could hit you, kick you, or order you to be denounced and rebuked on the spot. “How can I live?” she thought. Although fleeing to Hong Kong was quite common in Guangdong, and even some friends had invited her to flee with them, she never dared. Because of her identity as a “Released Counterrevolutionary,” if she once failed, the consequences would be disastrous, and she heard that only few people had succeeded. The second reason was that little Meng was just one year old and she could not bear to leave the child. The third was that her hu-sband was far away in Kunming. During the high tide of the political campaign, how could she inform him to return and flee with her? However, now pushed against the wall, she had no choice but to rush into danger. Risking her life, she knew she must go. She prayed and committed everything to God. Yu-ou consulted her intimate friend Zhang Ting. Two days earlier she had talked with Yu-ou about fl-eeing to Hong Kong. Zhang Ting calculating the tide cycle (according to the wax and wane of the moon to calculate the time of rise and fall of tide, so to find out a suitable date and time to swim out to the sea), decided that they should go late that day, or else they must wait more than 10 days. Yu-ou gritted her teeth and determined to bet her life. She immediately paid Zhang Ting for buying the bus tickets. Yu-ou hurried back home, confused and sobbing, then packed her things. She planned to entrust little Meng to Aunt Yin who was her classmate's mother. She did not dare to give little Meng to her mother-in-law because her f-amily was also like a clay idol fording a river unable to help itself. Moreove-r, her mother-in-law was too old and weak to take care of a baby. Aunt Yin being attentive and careful, Yu-ou often asked her to take care of little Meng for a short time. She put the best clothes on little Meng, and tied to little Meng’s waist a small envelop with forty yuan in it – almost all she had, which was enough for both mother and daughter to live for a month. She also attached a note: "Aunt Yin, I have to go. Please take care of the poor little Meng. If I can survive in fleeing to Hong Kong, I will contact you as soon as possible." She wrote this also to prevent Aunt Yin from getting into trouble when the police should question her afterwards; Aunt Yin could show this note declaring that she had no idea beforehand. Yu-ou put two other sets of better clothes and infant supplies into a basket. Then she changed her own clothes, put on faded dark blue overalls, and pinned a Mao badge on her chest as usual.