I have never learned translation officially.  So, my translation is very amateurish. You are right to say that the English version is more natural as they come straight from my head.
I think Katsuo is good lookng but Hitomi loved him not only because of that.  There was no mention how he really looked like in the novel as I used first person to tell the story, which is difficult (Although not impossible) to describe one's appearance (I just do not like to do that anyway.  Readers can imagine.)

The English text needs careful proof reading before it can be considered for publishing.