Chapter 16 Kaishakujin
(Jubei)
I found her at the burial ground at the back of the temple.
The blood on her face and hands told the story without her uttering a word.
On the way here, I had searched the teahouse and discovered the bodies of Jun-ichi and Ikkenshi.
Slowly I approached her; my heart arching with every step I took.
She did not move, too absorbed in her shock and sense of guilt.
I knelt down beside her.
“Ojosama.” I called out gently.
She turned her face towards me.
Despite the stain of blood, she was so beautiful.
I tore a piece of my garment and wiped her face and hands clean. She let me, obedient as the most innocent child.
“Jubei…”She finally came back to her senses.
“Yes, Ojosama.”
“I have killed them…I…” she looked at her hands again. There was no longer blood there but I new in her eyes, the red stain would never go away.
“I know, Ojosama…But that was fate and you could not do anything else…”
She raised her chin and looked at me and slowly shook her head.
“No, Jubei. I could…I should…”she was sobbing and I held her in my arms. By now, her sobbing had turned into heartbreaking wails.
I let her cry her heart out.
After a while, she finally stopped.
“Ojosama, we must leave here. The Hojos are advancing and we cannot hold the castle or the temple. “
She paused for a moment to let my words sink in. Then, she slowly shook her head.
“No, Jubei, I would not leave, never leave. This is the place where the bones of my mother and her kin lies and here I will find my peace.”
“No!” My fingers gripped at her shoulders. “Listen to me for once, Ojosama…we can come back! We will! I promise that I will recapture this place for you…”
Strangely, a smile surfaced on her lovely face.
“Arigato, Jubei. I know how you feel for me and I have treated you cruelly. But this time, I have made up my mind. What would become of me if I go and face Katsuo? Look at these hands. They are the instruments of murderers. No…do say to me I was forced. At the moment of the killing, I knew what I was doing and I was willing to pay the price. It was the only way that my soul could rest. It is Giri, our code for the warrior class. ”
“Ojosama…Please.” I knew that once she made up her mind, there was little possibility that I could persuade her otherwise but I could not give up. “The Dono would find a way, to explain, to protect you…he is lord of the clan now…”
“No! Listen to me. I know he is now the lord. So much more that he has duty to uphold justice. How can he be lord if he can let go of a murderer of his brothers, and one who had plotted for the death of his father? I know he would try to save me, but that would bring him his downfall. It will cause dissent, and make excuses for the Uesugi and the Hojo and any other who wishes to attack our land and the clan will be destroyed. No, Jubei! There is no other way. You must help me.”
“But Ojosama!”
“Do not call me Ojosama anymore. At least for once, treat me as just Hitomi, your love and you are my Jubei. Be brave and do what you have to do. You are the only one in the world who I can trust …that I am willing…Be my kashakunin...”
My heart felt as if being sunk by the weight of the whole Fujiyama. How could I? It was just unthinkable!
“Jubei, love me…Love me for the last time, as a lover and let me love you…”
“Hitomi…”I held her close to my heart.
We embraced and how I wished the world would end then, that time be made still…
She gently pulled herself away.
“Jubei, I am a female, but also a warrior. Let me go as a warrior should go. Promise me.”
I bit my lip hard and nodded.
“Arigato, Jubei.” She held my head between her breasts. I savored the floral fragrance into my eternal memory.
“Jubei, it is time.”
I tried to protest but I knew any delay would be futile.
She got up and asked me to help her find some suitable attire. I went back to the teahouse and got her a clean garment that belonged to Jun-ichi. I also carried the body of Jun-ichi to the burial ground.
“Thank you, Jubei… “She was dressed in sparkling white now. Her hair had been combed and arranged into a ponytail at the back, leaving her slender neck bare…
“Hitomi…” It was time to say farewell.
“Jubei.” She held out her hands and I gave her my tanto.
“Please bury me and Jun-ichi next to my mother.”
I promised.
She made a bow and then using a piece of shred from her discarded clothes, she tied her right leg and thigh together. This was to prevent her body from toppling.
“Jubei, when I made the second stab, help me…And let my head come off completely, please.”
She did not want me to allow the slight band of flesh that would attach the head to her body, understandable as it will ruin her beauty.
I mustered my strength, stood up and drew my katana. My heart felt pierced by a thousand spears! I lowered the blade in front of her eyes so that she could look into her reflection on the blade for the last time.
She did that and nodded to give me consent to raise the blade into the ready position.
“I am ready.” She said.
With crispy speed, she slid the garment off her shoulders, laying her breasts and porcelain-like belly bare. I had to control my emotions as I looked down on her semi-naked body to steady my hands. She was so exquisitely beautiful, now more than ever.
“Thank you for everything, Jubei…” She said without looking back while taking out the tanto from its sheath and wrapped the blade with layers of heavy rice-paper, leaving the point part bare.. Then, closing her beautiful eyes and with greatest determination, she plunged the blade into her belly on the left!
“Arghh…” The shock of pain was even greater than she expected. Her eyes were wide open as the agony ran rampant to every part of her body. Yet, her hands were steady in drawing the blade across the abdomen. A thin crimson line surfaced as the perfect skin of her belly parted before the blade. That blade had reached the right side of the belly now and usually, this would be enough. She was heaving but still did not pull out the blade to make the second stab. Instead, she moved it up a bit and then reversed the direction1
She was determined to follow the complete ritual, to experience the greatest pain as an act of cleansing her sin! The blade finally stopped just below her belly button!
“Hitomi!” I wanted to release her of her pain.
“No…Jubei…wait-.” she was breathing hard. In a moment, her intestines would quietly flow out. She managed to hold out till the end and completed the life of a female samurai.
“Forgive me, Jubei!” She pulled out the blade and with both hands plunged it again into her heart through her breast!
“Komen!” I brought the blade down, cutting in at the right side of the neck and the head of my beloved Hitomi parted with her body. Blood shot out from the neck as her body bent forward, sprinkling the grass before her deep red.
I slashed the blade once in mid air, cleaning the blood off in the act and sheathed the weapon of execution.
I walked to where her head had landed and picked it up. Blood had soiled part of her face and I cleaned it with loving care. Her eyes were still open, and so was her mouth from the shock but there was no sign of fear. She was a true samurai.
I buried her body and Jun-ichi’s next to the tomb of their mother, one on each side.
When I walked out of the temple, Katsuo was already there on his mount, waiting.
“Was it done?” He asked, his eyes fixed on the wooden barrel I was carrying.
I put my hand into the barrel and held her head high by the hair. Much as I not wanted to do it, Katsuo must answer to the demand of the clan. Her head would be displayed high on the rampart of Takeyama where we would retreat to for two days and then I would keep it and had it taken back here to bury it with its owner when the right time came...
Katsuo’s eyes turned down after the first look. Suddenly, he seemed to have turned so tired and old. For the first time of my life, I understood how lonely a man he had been, and he would remain so for as long as he lived.
There was nothing more to be done here. The Hojos would arrive soon and we must preserve our strength to fight another day.
I mounted Gin-getsu, handling the wooden bucket that contained the head of his mistress to an orderly.
“My lord, with your permission, we will call the retreat to Takeyama.”
He nodded and the signal was given.
I took up the position of the rear-guard and was the last one to leave the area.
At the hilltop, I reined in Gin-getsu and had a last look towards the silent temple. It looked so serene there and I knew she was at peace.
I felt the moisting in my eyes.
I told myself it must have been the strong wind…